What Tragedy Has Taught Me

I don't often write about tragedy. Most of the time it's because I believe that words just won't do. Tragedy draws out the great tension of articulation. Other times, it's because I don't think I am the one to speak. Tragedy often makes me feel weird about the burden I have inherited. 

But what I am learning is two things.. which has led to the reason for this post. 
The first is that a crisis, a trauma, a tragedy has a communal effect that's almost ethereal. It's like the ripples of the ocean. There creates an incredible bond, heartrending conversation, a shared experience both with those close and with those far away. In a painful experience, people pull in close to one another in love and kindness. I am finding that it is indescribable. 

And the second is that sometimes there's inspiration in tragedy. 

I think often of the summer tragedy in Charleston. I think often of the people, of the hatred, of the love that turned out to be much stronger than the hatred. I think of heaviness that turns to hope, of brokenness that makes me curl up on the inside, of the resiliency of the human spirit. 

Most of all, I think of the welcome. 

It was welcome that allowed that young man to attend Bible study, that prayer group, on that particular night. Seething in hate, a stranger, he was welcomed into the church. He was welcomed into their building, into their study, their love, their time, into their community. It's the way the Church should be. 

If I'm being honest, I have felt betrayed and confused by the welcome. Is welcoming people in supposed to be so costly? Is it supposed to be this costly? Is it supposed to hurt this badly?  

What is most surreally stunning is the welcome in the aftermath. 
This quote, said by a hurting relative to the gunman at his arraignment, shakes me to my core.

"We welcomed you, Wednesday night, in our Bible study.. with open arms. You have killed some of the most beautiful people that I know. Every fiber in my body hurts. But, as we say in Bible study, we enjoyed you. And may God have mercy on you."

I stumble over the depth of what these dear people have uncovered about who God is. I am quite honestly in deep awe of the grace and humility these words hold. It seems otherworldly and, well, I think because it is. He is still welcome to receive. It echoes of Christ on the cross, welcoming the thief into paradise. Christ on the cross, praying forgiveness because his killers did not know what they were doing. It inspires me deeply. The costly welcome. 

These tragedies tear people from the inside out. I cannot speak to the immense grief and sadness personally, but I can imagine it might make you not want to move again in more ways than one. I feel it many layers away, and I grieve with these people I know and do not know. But what I have observed in the tragedy is this inner strength of hope. This courage that helps you move forward. It's that quote, isn't it?, that has this booming undercurrent of courage. Courage and hope that says, no matter what you do to us, no matter what happens, and no matter what cards life deals us, we know God is with us. May God have mercy on you. There's power in forgiveness, in welcoming people into grace and love, and I believe it lifts us up and moves us forward. 

It continues to inspire me. 

(My good friend writes over at FrenchpressedFridays about this power of resurrection in the face of unspeakable circumstances and I believe he says it best. Will you please check it out?)

A Legacy of Kindness

I've been in a blog series (pre-summer) on kindness. It just kind of happened that way, without any blog scripting or planning. Kindness has just been forever on my mind. What it looks like, what it feels like, how to choose it, how we must ally with one another, what it can do to us. The welcome of kindness. 

It has taken on a whole new form for me lately. I have seen and heard and felt how the ripple effect of kindness can wash over like the crash of a thousand waves. The kind of kindness that changes lives, that sets people free, the kind of kindness that tells people who they are and welcomes them in despite how they may feel or what they might think about themselves. 

Kindness communicates value and it communicates worth. 

I have known someone who embodied this, who lived it. Someone who inspired a domino effect of kindness, who made people ask the question of themselves, "wait. How am I treating others? Does my life reflect that I see other people as valuable and worthy?" Our sweet friend Tee, I believe he lived kindness to its core. He saw people not characterized by any category or box or label or limit, but as human beings worthy of respect. In its purest form, he just simply treated people right. 

At his memorial service a few weeks ago, I heard story after story of how his kindness changed people. One by one, people from all walks of life came to the front and shared how an encounter with Tee had made them feel safe. Had welcomed them in. Had turned their loneliness into belonging. I kept hearing their words and their stories and I kept thinking over and over again oh, what a life. what a legacy. 

Tee got it. He got that people matter, he got that people are welcome. His smile, his personality, his character, reflected the belief that every moment and every human being is sacred. There are no exceptions. Actions have influence, and oh did Tee influence towards love and belonging. 

I continue to be moved and inspired on a daily basis by Tee. What a privilege it is to have known him. His life and legacy have given a tremendous charge forward in the communal sadness that can never really be explained. His life helps paint a picture of what it means to live in the time we've been given. He brought heaven to earth.

So, be kind. Advocate for people. Bring them in to your home, your table, your conversation, your workout group, the break room, the seat on the bus. Love deeper and harder. Make kindness your first and only option. It means something far greater and more eternal than you could even imagine possible.

Good looking out, Tee. #muhammadbaby

Throw Kindness Like Confetti

Oh my friends, we have got to do better.

I, me, you, we have got to be better. 

I've been so burdened lately by the way I treat people. By the way we treat people. I've been so burdened by the stories I've heard lately. The stories of unkind words, unkind rumors, unkind tweets. I've been burdened lately by words. From all of us, but come on ladies, by how we're treating one another.

I read something Taylor Swift (yes TAYLOR) posted a few months ago, and after the stories I've heard lately, I keep desperately clinging to it. She posted that "we are at our best when we cheer each other on and build each other up."  I wholeheartedly - with my whole heart - believe this is so true to its core.

I saw a movie this past weekend that was supposed to be so funny, but I walked out thinking that wasn't very funny. It's not so funny to stereotype and demean, to judge and joke at the expense of others. And Taylor thundered in my ears as I drove home - we are AT OUR BEST when we cheer each other on and build each other up. 

We must be cheerleaders and builders, not destroyers and dissenters. 

We've got to speak better of each other

encourage one another

believe the best about each other. 

We've got to decide that we're all going to be on the same team.

Ain't nobody got time for drama. 

 

I crave something hopeful beyond the gossip and rumors and cruel words that cut to the core. Yes, something hopeful to choose before we choose to tweet or text or group message or screenshot. We are all capable of great kindness. 

And because people can be cruel and it's hard to be kind back, or for the moments we're cruel for a reason or maybe no real reason at all, can we practice these things together? I am so with you all. 

Can we change the way we communicate? Can we just decide that a tweet just won't do? Can we decide to look people in the eye instead of retreating behind a phone? Can we decide that when something happens, it doesn't end up with a third party (or a fourth or a fifth..)? Can we decide that words are of the utmost importance and when we choose to use them well, we pass value and courage to one another? And when we don't, when we exaggerate or lie or spread something untrue, something settles deep into the souls of our people? People are so much more than the words we say, can we make sure they know that?

Decide we don't want revenge. This one is weird and huge and hard and messy. But the quest for revenge tears holes and puts up walls. It tightens our hearts and retracts it into distrust. It gives power to seeing people in a light that isn't always true, a light that doesn't reflect others' fullest and freest selves. But instead, decide we want forgiveness. Forgiveness is elusive and mysterious and oftentimes a process, but somewhere deep within, it is the purest satisfaction for the thirst for revenge. And maybe for you, right now, it just looks like letting that person off the hook.   

Throw kindness around like confetti. I saw this on Pinterest once and I loved it so much. I can see it, this throwing kindness like confetti, I can really see it. Confetti is not glitter (amen) and it is appropriate in moments of celebration, of joy, of friendship. It makes me think of a party, of laughter, of showering others with love. Does it put those images in your mind too? And I can just see us walking around throwing kindness in the air and watching it rain down on one another, filling them with joy and goodness and laughter and freedom. Oh, it would be so abundant and so full. 

To begin to throw this confetti and to begin to pass this courage and kindness starts with an understanding who we are. We must understand who our friends, our enemies, our co-workers, and our classmates are. We must believe that we are all more. We're all created in the image of God, so our value is indescribable. Our worth is through the roof. When we look one another in the eye, when we say "I forgive you," when we acknowledge "you are more," oh it just gives power to our inherent and infinite worth.

Let's see people differently. Let's see them as the dearly loved, intricately valuable, wonderfully worthy, lovely human beings that have been made in the image of our Creator. Our looks are valuable, our gifts are valuable, our abilities are valuable, our personalities are valuable.

Grab your handful of confetti, let's throw some around today! 

Didn't They Say Only Love will Win in the End

Kindness and love, they just might be everything.

Lately, my mind and heart are being opened to the fullness of kindness. Of what love may really mean. The thought of welcome still catches in my gut and steals my breath away. It's be free at its core. I keep tossing these questions around in my mind and my heart, the idea of welcome. The what if of welcome. What would it really mean if everyone was welcome, if we told everyone they were in? everyone. welcome. here. 

There's this new Mumford and Sons album out and there's this new song on it about loneliness and hunger and thirst, and that maybe love is the key. Maybe it's the answer. 

Can you just imagine? I've been imagining lately, and it is gloriously and incomprehensibly good. All people are invited and welcome and as obvious as that may sound, I am just imagining the sheer vastness of it. It screams safety and belonging, things all people so desire in the core of their souls. No one is outside the reach of the Love and Goodness and Grace and Peace or outside the Body of Christ. Everyone has a story and everyone is welcome. 

I read Isaiah 61 lately and I see it differently.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, 

because the Lord has anointed me

to bring good news to the poor;

he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound

That all people everywhere and all the time and me and you are the ones. We're the brokenhearted, the captive, the blind, and the prisoners in need of being set free. The people in our midst, these are the ones to love. At the very beginning of his ministry, in Luke chapter 4, in a synagogue in Nazareth, Jesus unrolled the scroll and read just that. And I think that these words are just what Jesus came to do. Freedom, good news, healing, value. Divine Love.  

My mom and I went out this past week for an evening with Bryan Stevenson. I could talk about him for hours, his work is just so astounding to me. He's a human rights lawyer in Alabama who believes that every person is more than the worst thing they've done and that forgiveness is a necessary means to achieving equality for all. I am inspired by him and by what he believes. He believes in an identity of hope, mercy, grace, and courage. 

He works exclusively with our criminal justice system, with poverty and racial inequalities that exist there. And Bryan goes in our prisons and onto death row and helps free the poor, the innocent, the ones wrongly accused, the mentally unstable. He sits down with them and he hears them. Children and teenagers who have survived traumatic childhood experiences are on death row for crimes committed in moments of danger, coercion, vulnerability. They kill the abusive stepfather or participate in the gang initiation. And Bryan sits with them and he hears them. Some of these people are in tight spots and no one to speak for them. It's excruciatingly heartbreaking. Bryan Stevenson goes in and says YOU ARE MORE. He says, you are more.

I love this quote from his book Just Mercy. He writes, "whenever things got really bad and they were questioning the value of their lives, I would remind them that each one of us is is more than the worst thing we've ever done. I told them that if someone told a lie, that person is not a liar. If you take something that doesn't belong to you, you are not just a thief. Even if you kill someone, you're not just a killer. You are more than broken."

Mercy is just when it is rooted in hopefulness and freely given. Mercy is most empowering, liberating, and transformative when it is directed at the undeserving. The people who haven't earned it, who haven't sought it, are the most meaningful recipients of our compassion. When you experience mercy, you learn things that are hard to learn otherwise. You see things you can't otherwise see; you hear things you can't otherwise hear. You begin to recognize the humanity that resides in each one of us. 

I know how broken and sad and afraid people can be. I know, me too. I know how fear can eat people alive. How the belief that they have become the worst thing they've done can turn people into the worse and lesser versions of themselves. People can shut you out so fast, just because they believe something untrue about themselves. It's so hard, isn't it? It hurts so bad, doesn't it? When people can't look you in the eye anymore or something is broken in how you used to operate. 

I am learning that there is this clear and present peace that exists within kindness. Kindness is power. It changes everything. There is this assurance within that there is a better way to treat people. There is a better way to respond. We have it ingrained in us to shun people who mistreat us, to turn our backs on those who are cruel, to return the favor to those who don't make us feel welcome. But I believe it is kindness that can save us. Love that saves us. Every time we choose to acknowledge the fear and sadness and believe that people are more, we set one another free. The people in our midst, they are more. 

Love, it's got to be the avenue through which we bless others. 

But if I'm honest, there's sometimes a dissenting voice that resides within me. A tiny part of me. She will squeak, but wait. could love and mercy and kindness really be this good??  Sometimes she'll yell louder that indifference is the answer. The difficult, fearful, broken, the insecure, the jerks, they need to be ignored. Just don't acknowledge those who you feel shouldn't be loved, the voices of Narrow-mindedness and Fear and Selfishness and Pride say. 

My lioness, though, she roars in response. It's what I call the brave and good and true, confident thoughts.  She will roar, "wait but no. I don't think that's it. I think it's kindness. I think being kind and showing love to people, I think that's it." She roars back deep in my core, WHY NOT. who is on the outside, isn't everyone in??

Love. It must be the avenue through which we bless others.

The way we invite others in, the way we treat others, the way we love and show grace.

Maybe Mumford and Sons have got it all right. Didn't they say only love will win in the end?

TED Talks, Empathy, and Courage

I've been listening to TED Talks nonstop these days. THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD ONES. One of my most recent favorite talks (from one of my most recent favorite people) is by a man named Bryan Stevenson. He's a human rights lawyer and the founder of Equal Justice Initiative, a non profit organization that seeks to challenge racial discrimination in our criminal justice system. My mom gave me his book called Just Mercy.. and I'm struggling to put it down. This guy gets it. 

There are people out there doing work like Bryan Stevenson. Fighting for good things, passing hope to those living in hopelessness. His words, his work, encourage me so much. He's given his life to bring value to people who don't have a voice, to show compassion, to tell people they're worthy. He's sold out to human dignity and identity. He's helped given me perspective. He gets it, he gets it. 

And so I'll be honest with you all. 

It's been a challenging past few weeks. I have let things steal joy, I have massively let pride cloud my perspective. Even now, I sit and I try not to cry because the mind just got so confused. Self examination has brought some shockingly hard realizations. I've asked myself the hard questions WHY and am startled at what my heart has revealed. All the worst versions of myself. But with it, it's not all been bad. Because after the crucifixion comes resurrection, am I right? 

So, here are some things I am reminding myself are true about me, and these very things I know to be true about you too. 

I am believed in. I had one of my most valuable pieces of corner look me in the eye this weekend and say, I believe in you. And at a moment when I wasn't sure I believed in myself anymore, I had really let myself and those around me down, this kind and gentle corner said, yes. but I believe in you. What grace. I'm convinced those are four of the most powerful words in the English language.

I am not alone. There are people surrounding me (and you) who want to douse your shame and all your things with empathy. Another fav, Brene Brown, says these words in her TED Talk (another one to check out). She says this, "If we're going to find our way back to each other, we have to know empathy. Empathy is the antidote to shame. The two most powerful words to hear when we're in struggle is "me too." If we're going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path." yes yes yes. There are people within arm's length who want to look you in the eye and say me too (another thing my corner did for me this weekend). And then there are the others who might not be gifted in empathy, and that is okay. They are still your people to the very core and they love you and they are good at other things (aren't we all). Pull those people in too. 

What I think is liability is actually asset. This one is the hardest for me to swallow sometimes. I need this one repeated the most. But what I'm finding to be true (GRACE UPON GRACE) is that the very things about myself that often make me cringe are really the very things that bring value. The way I'm made, the way I'm wired, the way I operate - ugh I can't be the only that thinks Lord have mercy, why do I act/think/respond this way??  But, what if they are value? What if my emotion is value? What if God actually knew what he was doing (ha) when he created you and me and these things about us actually have the potential to bring life? What if there really was a choice and the me that is me isn't inherently a roadblock, but only unless I allow it to be?

Give yourself grace, it really is all okay. Ha! Oh, how good this is. It's okay! Oh yes, people, it's okay. Now pick yourself up and brush yourself off and LET'S DO THIS THING. 

You're probably wondering what Bryan Stevenson has to do with all of this. I've got a point, I'll end with Bryan. He tells this story in his TED Talk (you can watch it here) about hanging out with Rosa Parks (oh you know, no big deal). She asks him what he does, what the Equal Justice Initiative is all about, and he starts reeling off his organization and what his vision is and what he's trying to do, what he's trying to change. 

And when he finishes, Ms. Parks says to him, mhmm. That's going to make you tired, tired, tired. 

And then another woman leans in close to Bryan and says, and that's why you've got to be brave, brave, brave. 

Be brave, friends. Be brave. 

Pass courage to one another. Lift up your head. It's a good thing you're doing. Let's keep doing it together. 

Perspective and How to See Things Differently

I'm finally going to say something I never thought I'd say.

I think I like Amaro just as much as I liked Stabler.

Yes, Law and Order SVU. The first 13 years or so, Detective Stabler faithfully served beside my girl, Olivia Benson. Then abruptly, he leaves at the end of one season and is replaced by Nick Amaro at the beginning of another. I figured Amaro and I would never get along. Because all the things. But now, I think I love him. 

Here's why. 

This is what usually happens. The SVU detectives all settle in around a crime, they do their investigating, they interview all the people, they discuss all the things. They land somewhere with it, they think they've got it. It's over, they've seen what they can see. And then Amaro always comes in and he speaks up and he says, BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS? Have we thought about this? Have we thought about this angle? How can we look at this in a new way?

Amaro says, LET'S SEE THIS DIFFERENTLY. 

He always sees things differently. And the SVU crew follows Amaro's perspective and it usually almost always leads them to the truth. He helps them see. And he's known for that, it's his reputation. Any time someone brings a new light on a case that already feels closed, they say are you pulling an Amaro on us?

I love it so much. I can't tell you how much I love it.

One of my team members always talks about seeing differently. He articulates it so well. We help students see themselves differently, see God differently, see people differently. I love that visual, it helps me see.

Especially lately, I've really needed help seeing. The past week or so, I have literally walked into meetings with co-workers and said "I just need perspective, can you help me see?" I can only see so much and most often I land in fear, and fear always gives a distorted picture. I can only see what the headlights show and sometimes even that is shadowy. Sometimes I can even see what's not even real! But there are so many other perspectives. The real, the truth, is out there. 

It's one of the things that makes my corner so great. I look ahead anxiously with blinders on, sometimes shrouded with fear, but they see so many other things all around me. And they see it with clear eyes. From up ahead, from what's behind, from the right, from the left. They enclose me with their vision, all the way around. And they tell me, "here is what's real, here is what we see, here is what is really going on. This is what we see in you, here is where we can see you going."

They say, you don't have to see things through any kind of lens of fear or confusion.
If you can't see, we will help you.
We will help you see differently. To see with hope, with light, with grace, with confidence. 

It's what Real or Not Real really is. Silencing lies and seeing differently. Something can look so real and scary and suffocating and you think oh, this is just too overwhelming. Too many things. But when you invite your people in and they say, no no no! That's just fear trying to disguise itself as a real. This is actually really beautiful! One step at a time. 

It is hard to articulate the real, true beauty of it. The freedom that a new eyesight brings. A season of change, transition, uncertainty is really opportunity and asset. The hard things are the good things. They tell you, God cares enough about you to care so much about your character. Oh man, I can get on board with that. 

So, my word to you, my friends. Invite others into your hard thing. If it's just the beginning or it's the 11th hour and you're crawling toward the finish line, I promise you perspective will renew your mind. We cannot see when we are in it, oh but we have people who can. Name your real or not reals. Speak them out loud. Fight the bad wolf by feeding the good.  There is a battle going on and you need help fighting it.

Your life and your story is a wonderful gift. Let's do this together. 

Just How Valuable Play is

There is so much value in play.

I don't know how long this post is going to be or where it's even going, but I just want to say just that. 

There is incredible value in playing and there is incredible value in games. 
Go play something. 
Count it all as self care.

If you read this blog or know me at all, you know me. You know I'm a deep thinker, but specifically a deep feeler. All the things. I can't even. I could go on and on about how they are my greatest strength and also at times my biggest weakness (my mind and my emotions) yes yes, but the point here is this //

One day this week, I had a lot on my mind (story of my life). It felt like too much to wade through just yet, so I went to my safe place. And there, I met refuge. I always meet refuge there, but this time it came in the form of a sweet balloon game.

One of my favorite friends and I (she's six), we had a balloon. And we started playing the game where you have to keep it off the ground, you know the one I'm talking about. The rules are simple, it's just like volleyball. Each player takes a turn hitting the balloon in the air and if it falls on your turn, the other person gets a point. But only one hit at a time!

It's intense! You know how unpredictable balloons can be.

My friend I just played and played. Every game had a halftime, with dancing and laughter. She's good at the game too, so I stayed on my toes. 

And I can't tell you what a relief it was. Sweet relief. 
A sweet release of burden.

Go play tomorrow, friends.