Kindness of Strangers

I am off my airport game. 

I pride myself on having flown fairly frequently. I know my way around an airport. Flying rules, regulations, appropriate time to be there. I have my traditions and rituals. Coffee, people watching, book to read.

This time, however, I was way off my game. I flew to New York with my brother last week and had quite a few misadventures. Nothing huge on the way there - a stray liquid, no time to sit before boarding - but things an amateur would do. 

On the way home, however, was another story. I casually made my way to the airport for my return flight and was shocked when the woman at the American Airlines counter told me I needed to hurry or I was going to miss my flight. wait what. 

Confused, I looked down at the time and briskly walked to the security line. To my horror, I saw it stretched 40 people deep. It sank in I am going to miss this flight. 

There are very few things worse than missing a flight. The hassle and expense, the unknown. To be avoided at all costs. 

Standing there in line, it was this moment where I knew I needed to act fast. If I didn't speak up, I was going to spend all day at JFK. It was a nerve-wracking few minutes, knowing that how my day unfolded depended on quite a few other people. 

So, I spoke up. 
I told the woman in front of me, a French woman who didn't speak much English, that my flight was literally boarding right then and could I go in front of her? She couldn't understand what I was saying, so we sought the women behind me to help translate. They immediately said YES ABSOLUTELY PLEASE GO AHEAD. Their affirmation, their enthusiasm was just so generous. 

Then it became a thing. I moved down the line, person by person, and told them my situation and that I needed their help. And one by one, they let me pass. Not begrudgingly or annoyingly, but joyfully. With empathy, they let me pass. With kindness, each person let me pass. No one questioned why I was late or gave me lecture on being prompt or responsible, but they pleasantly moved aside and urged me forward. There was even one woman who shrieked let this woman go!!!

Kindness created camaraderie in that line. The other passengers became my corner, their kindness really warming my heart. You see, that New York trip wasn't exactly an easy one. My brother was moving to NYC and that trip was to move him in and get him settled into his new home. There was a mix of great excitement, but also my heart felt a little sad. 

The small kindnesses in the airport, the kindness of strangers cheering me on, allowing me to go in front of them, was really meaningful and important to me. A very much needed kindness. It was a moment I needed great empathy. I made my flight that day by the skin on my teeth. Literally, the attendant closed the door right after I ran up there. For real.  

You never know what an act of kindness can do for someone. 
You don't know people's stories, or where people are in each moment.
But we do know that kindness can inspire and encourage, can warm and move forward. Kindness without questions asked, kindness without an explanation needed, is an incredibly valuable commodity that should be given away freely. 

Thank you, airport people! 

The Joy of Dreaming

It was a few weeks ago. I was wandering through Target (my favorite pastime) and I had just spotted an inspirational dishtowel that I wanted for my kitchen (#adulting). It was in my hand, when my boss sent me a text about what he had scheming for ADVANCE that week. 

It was an idea that involved Kid President and Martin Luther King Jr. About dreams and how to inspire our students to dream bigger. It was inspiring and hilarious at the same time. At the exact same time, I looked down at the kitchen accessory in my hand and read the message on the dishtowel, 

I took notice then. All this dream talk wasn't a coincidence, but maybe something more significant. Have I quit my daydream? What's my dream? Did I need to dream bigger?

This past Wednesday, I saw one of the most inspiring movies I've ever seen. Joy, with Jennifer Lawrence. It's about how life can get real complacent, unintentionally, and how the great, significant tasks we do each day can accidentally cause our dreams and our creativity and vision to dry up. Her character in the movie got into the grind, and had never lifted her head back up to capture what was inside.

Don't let your dream lie dormant.
Let's ask these questions together..

1) What is your dream? What do you lay awake and think about at night? Where does your mind wander in the day? What makes your heart beat, what brings you passion? What are your hopes, what are your dreams? What is the vision you have for your life? What is that one thing that you want to see come to fruition - a dream that makes others better, that brings good to those around you? You have the power and the right to dream big dreams. 

2) Who is in your corner? As Joy worked hard and was met with disappointment, failure, and whispers of you can't do this, she had a corner that was greater. She had people who cheered her on, who believed in what she was doing against all odds. Who are those people for you? Who have you told your dreams to? Who is helping you on your journey, mapping out what steps you need to take? Who is encouraging you? Who knows about your dreams? Dreams die in isolation, but they flourish among many. 

3) What is that first step? Make that phone call. Send that email. Make that appointment. Have that conversation. Write that plan. Start saving that money. Make that list. Clear that schedule. Go on that trip. Read that book. Make that friend. 

You can do it. 
Don't quit your daydream. 
Dream big. 

The Mystery of Prayer

I'm going to let you in on something. 

Prayer is a complete mystery to me. 

I've studied it, I've read books on it, I've read blogs on it, I've met with different pastors about it, I've asked a million questions about it. I've practiced structured prayer, I've practiced silent prayer, I've practiced jumbled prayer, I've done lists and days and notecards. The more I learn, the less I know. Prayer is difficult and weird. 

There came a time of my life when I just got tired. When I felt like prayer wasn't doing what it was supposed to do. There was crisis, there was prayer, there was still crisis, and prayer felt useless. It made it all the more confusing. I am a logical person, but I couldn't figure it out. I wanted to know how it worked, but there was just no knowing. 

I grew tired of all the need. I grew tired of people asking for prayer and me not really knowing how to help them. I grew exhausted of all the crisis and suffering - was prayer really the only way to help? What was prayer really doing for these people? How much prayer was enough? 

So, I packed up prayer and I put it in a box and I stuffed it away. 

I've recently started to open it up again. 

Because the months that I spent prayer-less or absently acknowledging something, those months were some of the hardest of my life. I lived lost, I lived by pride, I lived confused, I lived tethered to my emotions. And only looking back now can I see that the way I was living was in direct correlation to my prayer life. Maybe I had misunderstood prayer all along. Maybe prayer works far deeper and bigger and wider than I even realized. Maybe prayer was more about where I was centering myself, who I was coming back to, what I was dependent on. Maybe it was more about the presence of God than I anticipated. 

The one thing I heard over and over again in those months was that prayer is not an option. We cannot be fickle or negotiable about the role of prayer. It is a priority, and it is by this that we must live. Prayer is the root of faith. I heard it and read it over and over again. In my friend's blogs, my friend's sermons on Sunday mornings, my Church History textbook. Prayer is the way that we operate. Prayer is our guide, prayer keeps us centered, prayer keeps us ever aware of the presence of God.

And I don't think I ever doubted the importance of prayer, I just wasn't sure how to do this really important thing. But those words repeated to me over and over again. It filled my heart and refreshed my mind. This must be the characteristic of the Church. We must be people of prayer. That began to inspire me.

And as ministry life got crazier and I felt the weight more than I've had before, I realized that this weight wasn't meant for me to carry alone. Yes, I have human people here who help me, but I began to fully see there were greater Hands meant to help shoulder the burden with me. And the way to do that was through prayer. It was lighter to turn to God, even when it was jumbled and I wasn't sure what I was saying, or I was awkwardly throwing words up to God in desperation, not quite sure what was falling or what was sticking or how this whole thing even worked. He has a way of doing that. I think that's the true beauty of it. 

I keep a conversation in the back of my mind often. I met with a friend a little while ago (who told me once that "pastors need pastors" and I nearly melt with grace every time I think about it) and he told me a story of when he was called on for prayer in a time of tragedy and death. He said he had the same thought, same wrestling, the impact of the sadness was almost overwhelming. What did that time of prayer really do? And the man he was with said, We pray until God reveals otherwise.  

We pray until we don't. 

That's it. Prayer will always be a puzzle. I think it's meant to be a puzzle. But God has called us to a life of prayer. And I am committed to it. There are the days when I think about the state of a dark and divided world and my empathic instinct feels crushed. But I am learning to turn towards prayer, an intimacy with God, because that truly is the only way. The awareness of his presence is the unveiling of Emmanuel. 

He is with us. Of that I am certain.

Let's pray on. 

The Joy of Learning with Friends

I made myself a vow when I started seminary (the second time around) that this whole journey would be about me learning things new. New perspectives, new thoughts, new things I had never thought before. About becoming a better pastor, a better follower of Christ so that in turn, others may become better followers of Christ. A fuller and freer me. And I have found (in almost a sweet, rough tangle) that the more I learn, the less I know. And the fuller and freer me has not come without struggle. 

As I walked away from my last semester class today, I recognized the gift that this semester brought more than any of my other semesters had. It brought the gift of friendship. I met classmates who were likeminded and who shared such incredibly wise insights. I took notes on what my classmates shared more than anything. I was so encouraged by their quest to know God more fully and their grappling to understand more fully this life we live as Christians. I walked away each class so inspired by their pursuit (Emily and Frank, if you're reading this, this one's for you!). 

Once Emily said, I desire for my emotional response to be tethered to knowing who God is. Then I knew she was a winner.

Tonight we processed, the three of us during group discussion time, how sometimes we can look back at history, especially the time of Christ, with rose-colored glasses. My Church History professor is always telling our class this, that we can often look back at things in the past with the knowledge we have now. And we can often think seriously people, get yourselves together, because we can see now what they couldn't see then. Because they were living it! But that's not fair. We can't look back with our perspective now, or with our lens now. Too often I have rolled my eyes at the disciples or sighed at how long it took them to grasp that the King was going to take on a different role than they first imagined. How naive of me. 

Because Jesus really changed everything. I mean, to the core, everything. His people were waiting for the Messiah, the King, to overthrow and to dominate. But Christ came to do something so completely different and far grander. How confusing that must have been, Emily, Frank, and I dialogued, but how hopeful it must have been when they discovered that the Kingdom was much greater than they ever could have imagined. 

And then, all semester, Emily talked about family. So much of her perspective is this perspective of family; her words and thoughts were saturated with it. This is the core of our identity, our very DNA. It is our very fabric to be like God, and instead of stressing or worrying or living rigid lives, God tells us to partner with him. Yes. He has reordered our priorities and our abilities, which should make us so very hopeful. And when God talks about a hope and a future, that is for you. This is how God IS towards YOU. This is who you are, this is where you belong. We are a family. Be the family. Doesn't that make you just want to jump up and be free!?

I shared tonight how much I resonate with Peter; how his story reminds me of me. How he walked with Jesus for years, but never really understood what was going on. He was like the Andy Dwyer of the Gospels, stumbling and bumbling around. Telling Jesus he wouldn't deny him, then speaking denial three times in mere minutes. Just missing the point left and right. But in Luke the 24th chapter, when Peter sees the empty tomb and the linen cloths by themselves, he went home marveling at what he had seen. It makes me tear up even now, that Peter must have thought "oh, I see now. THAT'S what Jesus was talking about. That's what all this was for."

And then the beginning of Acts, you see a completely different Peter. The resurrection gave him such a great courage. He became a man of great faith. It gives great hope. 

Frank, Emily, and I all marveled at the marvel. 

I hugged my friends goodbye tonight and truly I was so grateful for our intersection on each other's journey. What learnings gained. A true gift to cross one another's path. 

Dental Discoveries

I have really good teeth. 

It was always my dad's thing. I've never had a cavity, don't need my wisdom teeth taken out, I like my big toothy smile. I went to the dentist in the spring, and the dental hygienist told me I had a big mouth and we both tilted our heads back and laughed when I told her well, I've heard that before. Hahaha jokes with the dentist. 

Also, I like to talk about my teeth, which maybe makes me a weird person. 

Then I went back to the dentist in October, all hopped up and ready to kill it. The dental hygienist looked at my mouth and proceeded to tell me that my gums are receding, I'm brushing my teeth too hard. She told me to cool it on the forceful tooth brushing or else I could need a gum graft (wait. what).

THIS IS THE MOMENT I LEARNED THAT YOU CAN'T WIN AT EVERYTHING. 

Maybe this is just a weird post about my recent dentist disappointments, or maybe this is about something bigger. I've thought about it a lot since, and not because I particularly care about my gums (who needs their gums anyway?), but because it was a little bit shocking. This is something I am good at!! But maybe it's a picture of something more. I do the best I can, but maybe sometimes our best just isn't enough. And I don't mean that in a weird, pessimistic way, but in a there MUST be dependency kind of way. 

Dependency on something Greater. 
And maybe there just are some things that can't and shouldn't be done alone or by our own efforts. And the most we do, the most we give, comes to full completion when we allow God to work in and through us. I can take something and run with it, and too often I don't have a full awareness of the presence of God with me. Or any awareness at all. But He is with me, of that I am certain. 

It's the thing I cling to in this season. God is with me, before and behind, and sweet freedom lies in the deep exhale that I am not built to do this alone. And when I feel like I'm parasailing or attached to a string like a yo-yo and I am being yanked up and down again and I am feeling a little off balance, I know God is for me. And none of this is really up to me (THANK GOD LITERALLY). There is a deep, sweet intimacy, leading, and guidance from the Lord that I just cannot fail to rely fully on (especially as a pastor).

THIS IS A TRUE STORY now I brush my teeth with more thoughtfulness, precision, intentionality, and grace. I am s l o w i n g down, at least in that one area of my life. 

Life is wonderful and full. Let's seize it. 

How Seminary Points Me to Christ

I love seminary. 

I have loved all of my classes. I love the conversation, the challenge, the change in perspective. All the classes I have taken so far (two years worth of them) have encouraged me to think differently, to think bigger, to engage with new ideas, to engage with old ideas in a new way. I think I'll always have a love for learning. I'll always be a lifelong learner. 

Don't get me wrong, it's hard. But a good friend told me once that it should be hard. Because it shows us ourselves, and if it's not hard, then why do it? That same friend always reminds me that you come out of seminary someone different than who you went in as. And that there's something to be said for being engaged in both ministry and seminary at the same time. I feel that, and I am grateful for those friends in my corner. 

I am often reminded of how much of privilege it is to learn. My mind expands and it really is a beautiful road I am journeying down. The processing is wonderful. It has really helped me to be a better pastor. My Church History class this semester has helped me see a current parents' perspective in their relationship with their daughter. It's really fantastic. 

But what I was reminded today, while completing an assignment for my Interpreting the Bible class, is how seminary points me to Christ. To the core, it helps me be a better person. A better child in relationship to the Father. 

I had my Bible (and a couple of reference books) open on the table, doing a word study from a few verses in Colossians. Being such a word person, I really enjoyed the assignment. A word study is, in a way, almost exactly what it sounds like. You study a word in Scripture based on the original Greek, its context, and other verses where the same word appears in order to find what the author intended for his original audience, the meaning of the word in the particular verse you're studying, etc. It's really quite fascinating.  

Today had been a long day. There are a lot of things that I have felt burdened by. Troubled by. Discouragement, mostly. Ministry is a tough, joyful, wonderful ride. But as I sat down with these verses open, as I read over and again what Paul meant to the people he meant it to, I felt overjoyed. The Word of God is the beautiful, alive, breathing breath of God. I don't know many things, but I do know that. Sitting with it open reoriented me. 

I felt a renewed sense of what it is to be alive in Christ. What wonder, what peace at where true identity lies. My soul breathed yes in a deep sigh.

Carry on, souls. You are alive. 

What I'm Learning from Taylor Swift

I remember my sophomore year of college when my friend Heather Johnson (now Varela) handed me a CD (yes, a CD) and said, "you've gotta listen to this new country singer."

That was quite a few years ago, but so began my love for Taylor Swift. 

It's Taylor's personal life lately that has me all pumped and inspired. It's her posts and her interviews, her Instagrams and her tweets. She's posted videos of Easter egg hunts with her brother, dances with 7 year old fans, throwing surprise parties for her friends from high school, her cats doing hilariously weird things. She's put up pictures of sweaters knit by random fans, videos of herself awkwardly falling, old photos from middle school. Last Christmas, she delivered surprise gifts to some of her fans in a video that is hilariously sweet, deeply personal, and incredibly thoughtful (Swift-mas). 

She spent all summer touring the country, inviting other celebrities to join her on tour and share the stage with her. She sang their songs with them, invited her fans to go crazy over them. She cheers on her friends' success, she is gracious in drama, she champions her competitors. Ryan Adams, a fellow artist, recently released a cover album of Swift's 1989, to which she replied "IS THIS TRUE??? I WILL PASS OUT."

I mean, what a breath of fresh air! I cannot get enough of it. 
She promotes kindness and vulnerability, humor and a good-natured spirit. 

I read an article in Relevant recently about the impact Taylor is having on our culture. How musical artists are often more than the music they create, but rather of what they represent and what they value. Sure, everyone loved Elvis - his music and his moves - but he really represented a shifting cultural mood of the 1960's. He gave a voice to the rock 'n roll culture, one of individuality, of freedom and rebellion. It's most often what we, the people, are crying out for. What we desire. I like this quote, There's a tendency for music fans to use artists to help vocalize and embody things they want to see in culture. Trends and popularity are reflective not only of cultural values, but of cultural voids.

The article goes on to say that maybe the reason Taylor Swift has such a massive appeal is because of who she is and what she's about. Like this, "culture finds its next pop star in a girl-next-door who seems to have little interest in salaciousness, edginess, or picking fights. Swift's image is about uniting - stylistically and squad-listically - not dividing." 

YES. 

I think this is really significant. I think Taylor Swift's promotion of other people vs. self-promotion is saying a lot. It says a lot about what we hunger for, about what kind of influence she has, of what kind of influence we're letting her have. I think her influence in how she treats other people is such a great one. We want unity and togetherness, kindness and grace. I mean, come on. At the latest music awards show, she introduced Kanye West (her award show nemesis) by saying, "I have been a fan of his since I can remember because Kanye defines what it is to be a creative force in music, fashion, and well, life."

She then called him her friend. 
Grace upon grace. 

I can see that maybe this is what people really deeply, innately need. We cannot be about what we are for, but who we are for. We don't have stages or summer concert tours, but let's give other people the spotlight. Love people. Help everyone succeed. 

On my recent quest for kindness, I have encountered and interacted and observed people that have left me so inspired. My sister, Taylor, Tee Muhammad. They are life changers. Each of these people has taught me something new about what it means to love people. There are so many layers to how we treat people. To help everyone succeed. To be generous in our attitudes and actions. To welcome.

A journey. Cheers!