A Transformation Baptism

I got baptized yesterday!!

By two of my favorite people and in front of my family and friends, I took the plunge.

And after a conversation with my friend Heidi later on yesterday, I started thinking about my story and what led me to that baptismal pool and what it all meant. She described her own baptism as "a fresh start" and I thought that was a lovely and refreshing way to describe it.

I've been reading Tim Keller lately and it's been a little like having my life turned upside down.

He continuously points back to the Gospel. Everything leads back to what Jesus did. The Gospel is the only way we grow. Reading Keller has been an incredible reminder of what I so often missed before and how far I've come.

In "Prodigal God," Keller digs deeper in the story of the prodigal son. He compares and contrasts the two brothers and shows how incorrectly they both lived: following the desires of your heart, like the younger brother, or doing your moral duty out of obligation, like the elder brother. Finding the balance between the two is finding Jesus.

"We will never stop being younger brothers or elder brothers until we acknowledge our need, rest by faith, and gaze in wonder at the work of our true elder brother, Jesus Christ."

He also says this: ""The choice before us seems to be to either turn from God or pursue the desires of our hearts, or repress desire and do our moral duty. But the sacrificial, costly love of Jesus on the cross changes that. When we see the beauty of what he has done for us, it attracts our hearts to him."

The whole time, in my 23 years, I missed that beauty. I missed that attraction. I learned about it for so long, it never clicked about what it all meant. I was an ultimate elder brother: I did everything I was supposed to do. I've gone to the same church my whole life. I learned the right things, sang the right songs, I was good. I believed in everything Jesus did and said and who God was: oh yes I did! God was automatic: my answer when things seemed confusing, when I felt guilty, when I felt like it had been too long since I remembered Him. I thanked Him for my day, for the food I ate, for the game my softball team won: yes, I believed.

But what I was missing was the hunger. The thirst. The Gospel. Jesus.

About six months ago, some friends and I started a discipleship booklet that went through the Christian faith in depth. And I remembered having the worsttt attitude about it: I already knew everything, thank you very much (hahaha). But that booklet changed my life!! Those friends changed my life!!

Because it hit me then: that's what Christ did!? And He knew that we would just keep sinning day in and day out but He did it anyway? That's what grace is!? How do I ever pay Him back!?

And the eye-opening started and I began feeling things I never felt before. And my transformation was underway.

Francis Chan said that once you've decided to follow Jesus, all hell is going to break loose. You didn't have an enemy before. And he's right: my life feels harder now. There are more challenges, I feel the weight of more things, I think about things that actually matter now. And I've never been happier. I've learned so much! My life has purpose now, has meaning, I've decided to live for Someone other than myself. It's just way, 100 times, better.

So that's kind of where I am. And kind of where this blog is. Me singing my new song. I'm knee deep in this journey, in this rediscovering, in realizing how much worse I am than I thought, how I saved I am, what Titus 3:3-7 really means. I'm imperfect and I'm humbled and I feel free: and that's proving to be way better than acting like I had it all together.

My baptism yesterday was my statement: my outward sign that it's a process and I've got a long way, but I've started. It was my public proclamation of who Jesus is and how desperate I am for Him.

Thanks for helping me celebrate my transformation!!