I've never liked change.
well, that's not entirely true.
It's not that I don't always like it, but there's just something in me that takes a long time to adjust to it.
We're not easy companions.
There's something about change that repels routine... and routine and I are best friends. We work well together and along with schedule, the three of us are a strong trio. And change jumps in and throws the whole gang off and I've got to work to find routine and schedule again because they've run away and scattered.
Maybe that's not such a bad thing.
bear with me, hear me out (I'm saying that more to myself because right now, that last sentence, a part of me thinks I've gone crazy).
Life is change. That's it. Good, bad, it's changing. And there are so many good things! So, so many good gifts from the good Giver of a Father we have.
It's the unpredictability of change that throws me off. And, if I'm being honest, it's really because control isn't in my court. I don't get to call the shots, God does, and that aggravates what I've got in mind. oh selfish sinfulness.
I like the way things are, I am grateful! So I close those hands, get comfortable, settle in, snuggle up close to routine, and then just live. I don't do spontaneous, give me a plan, tell me where we're going, when we're going, and I promise I'll stick to it. I like to know what to expect. ha! #lifedontworkthatway
Even when change is good! It's not always smooth. It's chaos. Life as chaos? ahhh. mind goes crazy.
These past few months have been riddled with change. Big, big things. Big, GOOD, GOOD things. Amazing things! But they came and then they didn't and then I heard wait and then God said no and then God shut some doors and then I had to let myself off the hook and then I had to throw hands in the air.
which I think is the point. that's got to be the point.
What do you do when life is chaos? well life IS chaos, so what do you do with life?
YOU'VE GOT TO TURN TO JESUS.
me, I've got to turn to Jesus.
and that's it.
I've got to admit that life is, most certainly, not about me.
whew. that's both terrifying and refreshing at the same time.
It's every day, every day, every single day. Turn to Him every day. You can't store up prayers or surrender or faith and say 'oh hey God, remember that one time I trusted Jesus? That was great!' or 'that one time I read Your Word? That one time I prayed? It was so cool to talk to you then!'
It's active and alive and constant and renewing. It's grace! Thank God for it.
Because our minds gravitate toward self centeredness. From the Fall, from that garden, we are born sinners and we are born selfish. It's innate. We need Jesus to save us, give us life, shower us with grace, live for us, die for us, make us new, and use us for His glory. We can't accomplish anything without Jesus - hear me when I say that - because we are given all things new because of Jesus.
It's a beautiful new life.
When you (and when I say you, I mean me) acknowledge that there is another picture and that picture is not me (it's a kingdom picture), it's actually freedom. The best kind of freedom. It's not about me, so any parameters or timing or expectations or limitations I've put on anything can be let go and set free and I can live abundantly because my comfort is not the object or the goal. Dying to self is actually life.
I'm still every day waking up and dying and remembering my freedom and speaking truth to myself. I read an amazing article on Gospel Centered Discipleship the other day about waking up daily and talking back to the lies you hear (read it yourself). SPEAK back to them! Let the truth of Jesus be your thoughts. And then I listened to a recommended Tim Keller sermon where he said put on your armor against the schemes of the devil. And the good news, the best news? The Gospel IS the armor! Say to the devil, 'go to my Christ.'
We can't do it on our own. And we don't have to! That's saving grace. literally.