doesn't our God make things and do things that are just so lovely?
and you kind of just keep saying over and over to yourself, 'God are you this good .. because i never could have imagined. and you kind of just go through your days a little bit overwhelmed, a little bit in awe of remembering the sad days when you drowned, yet the abundance of a God who is BEYOND LOGIC.
so you sit on your back patio, in the stillness and silence, and you listen and think and remember. you drink coffee (black, the way you like it) and you look at the clouds (because that's beauty). you're not quite sure how to approach a God who was WITH YOU and you can't really articulate the joy besides saying the word beautiful, beautiful over and over again.
beautiful. beyond logic. good.
and as you sit and think and let the good stillness wrap you up tight, you look around and realize that your corner has grown. that you've gained women upon women, WOMEN UPON WOMEN. and you see, you've seen, you're still seeing that Jesus has answered prayers in the form of His people. His women. His loves. and you realize you've never lived life this way before, this i am with you, and you now know what you didn't know you'd been missing. isn't it funny how it works that way?
and you remember what someone told you once, years ago. they looked you in the eye and told you that it will be an asset. when this is all over and you're on the other side, you'll have paid a price. and you'll be better for it.
you marvel at that beauty and truth, because you're on the other side of that and the other side of this and you really just can't believe how better you are. but it's more than that. it's the crazy sneakiness of a God who's Good, who reworks your "good" to His Good. it's a God who wastes nothing. and you're almost stunned - is it really true, could it be, that God really does work in all things? not in a reactionary way, but in a 'I've got this, I've always had this' way. and you're actually having a hard time even knowing what it is that's got you so speechless. maybe because there are so many dimensions to His Goodness, His hope, and maybe because you really thought you knew the depth of His Love before. you realize too that God doesn't work the way you do and truly truly for the first time, you are on your face, deeply deeply grateful for that. God is more beautiful than you ever imagined.
and then you go away this past weekend, a beach weekend with your life group, and you sit at dinner one night with these women, eating drinking being merry, and you all say hey, let's do what ifs. and your heart leaps because a what if night in january with your boston corner was what set you on the path to fight. dared you to believe God, allowed yourself to ask the question, what would happen if i hoped? what if i did this?
and that's when you got up, when your story really came alive. because someone said i know, me too, you say you don't think this story is over? let's believe it's from the Lord.
but this night in may, around this table, you are asked what if.
what if you started blogging again, once a week?
what if you did? what would happen?
and you realize what would happen. you would remember what the Lord has done and then you would be telling people about it. you would be reminded of His goodness, faithfulness, kindness, His beauty.
this you is me.