"It makes you wonder
if all our time spent making lists
would be better spent painting
or writing or singing
or learning to speak stories."
I've been to four states in the past three weeks (not including my own) and iI've learned a monumental truth in the process.
Well first of all, I probably shouldn't do that again. I think all the time, which gets me easily anxious and overwhelmed - and being on the go and surrounded by people alll theee timeee is a recipe for disaster. I love being by myself, I need to be by myself, that's how I energize, and when I implement journaling and prayer and time alone, I stay sane and grounded.
But maybe it's good when my routine is shaken up and when I reach those desperate moments of feeling anxious and super overwhelmed. When my mind can't take it anymore. when I realize that I can't do this life on my own. When I realize that my strength is short lived when it is powered by me.
Because it is in those moments of craziness when I realize, "whoaaaa heyyyy I need God. I need someone other than myself." It's when I fall deep into my corner, my steady reminder me of the community I need. I'm reminded that I need to SLOW down, to rejuvenate, and to make time with Jesus a number one even when my routine is so out of sync. It is when I feel so out of control, so overwhelmed, so in over my head, that I remember what I continuously forget:
God is my dependency.
When it's some thing I normally have control over, it's terrifying to lose it. We are wired for dependency and too often I depend on my weak, frail humanity. It is becoming humbling to reach my breaking point, the end of myself, and have to crawl to my corner and admit I failed in thinking I could go about my days without surrendering. It is becoming a good reminder of why I do some of the things I do, why it's so important to daily surrender, why it's so crucial to set time aside to make the day not about me. because I desperately need God.
Keep me accountable?
But what I'm mostly learning now (and still grasping!) is what worship looks like. I've rediscovered worship! This is probably the coolest, most freeing thing I've learned in a while (can you tell I'm pumped!?).
I have the instinct and the mentality to feel guilty. If I don't read my Bible "enough" or if I prayed a little less than I "should" have, I often go to bed thinking of what "more" I can do the next day. What a terrible way to live. I read it first from Rob Bell (Donald Miller says it too. And so does John Ortberg) that worship is not so clearly defined like that. Instead of using words like "should," "enough," or "more," what if I went to bed thinking about all the ways I did glorify and praise God that day?
Went to lunch (Taco Bell) with a friend.
Read a good book.
Had a conversation about Christ.
Read my friend's blogs.
Wrote peng yu an email.
Played a game.
Spent time with my family.
Aren't all those things acts of worship??
God's given me gifts; I'm worshipping Him when I use them!
In The Me I Want to Be (Please read it! This book is changing my perspective on everything), John Ortberg writes, "what makes an activity spiritual is not the activity itself. It is whether or not I do it with and through the Spirit. The main measure of your devotion to God IS NOT your devotional life.
It is SIMPLY YOUR LIFE."
So the questions to ask are,
What do you do that makes you feel fully alive?
Are you faithfully doing it?
You're worshipping when you do!
ps. What I'm reading now: