Confidence

someone told me about hebrews 10:35-36 the other day and i just can't shake it. 

it says, "do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. you need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."

i was at a women's event the other night, and it was the speaker who shed light on this verse. i'm sitting in the back, trying to keep to myself, because people. it's been a rough few weeks. i'm going through major changes and man alive, my fiber was just not made to go through change quickly and smoothly. it takes process and time, patience and grace (none of which i have for myself). and i think, God has put me here for such a time as this, and maybe it really is my confidence that i am throwing away. what a tragedy. 

so i'm sitting in the back, and this verse comes on screen. and i sit up a little taller. 

could this be it?

then the speaker tells a story. she says she was working on a book and all these things called life kept coming up and she kept pushing her deadline back. she said out loud to God, I CAN'T DO THIS. and i smile in the back - oh, if i haven't said that to God a million times. and then God showed her this verse in hebrews and said to her, "do not throw away your confidence! you will receive what i have promised!"

then the speaker said she just straight up asked God. 

well, God, what is it that you have promised?

and now i am on the edge of my seat. i have wondered this out loud to God all the time, in brokenness and trial. what is this for!? come on God, what is the point of this!? and that's when God always brings me back to I WASTE NOTHING. but here was this speaker saying she's asked God the same thing and can i get an amen for the power of 'me too'?

so, God, what have you promised?

God said FREEDOM. child. i have promised you freedom.

and let me tell you what. if that's not the best news i've ever heard. freedom, sweet freedom. freedom from self doubt and fear and lies. just freedom. sweet freedom of Jesus. 

praying that verse over me, and over you. do not throw away your confidence, my friends! endure, endure in the will of the Father and receive what he has promised.

#freedom