God in All Our Simple Deeds

Figuring out what I want to do for the rest of my life has never been automatic for me.

I played 'school' my entire childhood: with my students being the empty room. I made real homework assignments and kept track of the troublemakers whose parents I had to 'call.' I grew out of that game when I entered high school and my teacher aspirations went with it. Then I went to college and studied journalism before I realized it wasn't what I hoped to be. I found my passion in majoring in history and have never enjoyed studying anything more. But history stops in a classroom.. unless you want a career in a museum.

This past year, especially, I've spent navigating through a career: what to do with the rest of my life (which sounds so daunting, doesn't it?). I've recently realized it's the one thing I'm least likely to share with people, even my closest friends. The journey I make towards finding the right job and calling is one I prefer to do in private.

And I think it's because I still draw my deepest identity from having a job. I've become wired with a 'do' mindset.. and 'do' for the wrong person: me.

And in my recent shift from 'do' to 'done (by grace),' my insecurities over my job uncertainties have (stubbornly) been the last to go. And I'm learning (have learned + still learning) that having a job does not create happiness, worth, contentment, or value. Yes, it's essential and important and imperative in learning responsibility and in making a difference through a calling: yes, yes I love jobs. But it doesn't create ULTIMATE worth. That's the cross and that's the Gospel. That's Jesus.

In 'The Pursuit of God,' A.W. Tozer writes on 'The Sacrament of Living' and how most Christians divide their life into two areas: the sacred and the secular. He says this causes us to live divided lives because we tend to always bounce back and forth between our disunited lives. Jesus lived a united life.

Tozer writes that we "must offer all our acts to God and believe that he accepts them. Then hold firmly to that position and keep insisting that every act of every hour of the day and night be included in the transaction. Keep reminding God in our times of private prayer that we mean every act for His glory; then supplement those times by a thousand thought-prayers as we go about the job of living. LET US BELIEVE THAT GOD IS IN ALL OUR SIMPLE DEEDS AND LEARN TO FIND HIM THERE."

What if I learned to live like that? To live out Colossians 3:23-24 ('whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward')? To find Him and love Him and serve Him in EVERYTHING? What if I refocused?

I think figuring out what I want to do wouldn't make me so fearful: because I would already be serving Him in all things and wouldn't be waiting for the one thing.

As this post gets longer and longer..

I've recently discovered what working heartily for Him NOW means and found my point of refocus.

It's been a year of stretching, growing, challenges, new life: by far my best year. Ever. And interwoven between those times of anger and bitterness and uphill climbs, there have been.. children. I spent the most time with kids than I think I've ever spent before and I've fallen in love with them. I found that I loved + laughed + learned from people.. some even 20 years younger than me!

There's a family of five who live down the street that I spend time with everyday. A 10 year old, 8, 4, 2, and a two week old newborn! And every day I go to their home, I get on the job training for future responsibilities. Their mom teaches me about motherhood: the struggles of a big home, what no one tells you about pregnancy, how she dealt with losing a child, how to incorporate the Gospel into tough conversations with her 10 year old: she's my teacher.

And then I get to 'intern.' The kids and I play, we do homework, make dinner, stretch and take baths (the 4 yr old loves to stretch before bathtime: ask a kid to do a sit up and you'll never stop laughing), read books, sing songs, say prayers, and tuck them in (burrito style is always the best).

These are my simple deeds.

This is my refocus.

In my recent journey through Luke, I reached the 9th chapter and the Transfiguration and had a moment of wonder:

"And as he was praying, the appearance of his face altered, and his clothing became dazzling white. And behold, two men were talking with him, Moses and Elijah, who appeared in glory and spoke of his departure, which he was about to accomplish in Jerusalem. Now Peter and those who were with him were heavy with sleep, but when they became fully awake they saw his glory and the two men who stood with him. And as the men were parting from him, Peter said to Jesus, "Master, it is good that we are here. Let us make three tents, one for you and one for Moses and one for Elijah"-- not knowing what he said. As he was saying these things, a cloud came and overshadowed them, and they were afraid as they entered the cloud. And a voice came out of the cloud, saying "This is my Son, my Chosen One; listen to him!"

This is a glimpse of the second coming: of the future glory of Christ. He is illuminated from the inside. He is the transcendent Son of God. The significance of Moses and Elijah is that Jesus is the fulfillment of both. He is far greater than the Law and the Prophets. All the Old Testament POINTS to him.

While reading this afternoon, I felt a charge to REFOCUS. Jesus came to fulfill the kingdom of God and the new covenant and he promises to come again in all his glory. He is the better Moses and he is the better Elijah. Instead of always offering up prayers of petition for my life, what if I remembered the Transfiguration and remembered prayers of adoration and praise for who God is, what He came to do, and what He will come to do? What if I prayed in anticipation of his glory?

A good friend told me this week what calling looks like vs. our desire. He says that deciphering the true calling of God involves a process: a process of seeing your desires crushed and heart broken, only to see it reborn in a slightly different way. It can become a joy and a point of praise to watch the destruction of our idea of "God's call wrapped in a thick layer of our glory" and to see the beginning of a joyful waiting for his calling to be revealed. But true calling is to abide in him. To heed His voice in the middle of it all.

To abide in the promise of the Transfiguration. And to remember He is in all our simple deeds.

Reading New

I've recently fallen in love with reading.

My whole life I've been a huge reader and have always more than enjoyed it (holler Harry Potter).. but in the past year, I've been learning the passion behind it.

How what you read affects how you think.

How what you read can shape who you are.

I've recently fallen in love with my Bible.

Which is hard to do when you've grown up with a 1st grade Adventure Bible (confession: I had mine until I was 22 years old). While the crafts explanations teaching your family how to make Noah's Ark out of toothpicks was fun, I'm not sure how applicable it was.. in my late teens/early twenties. But thanks to an intervention by dear friends, I now own an ESV Study Bible. And it's changed (and changing) the way I live.

I just finished A.W. Tozer's book "The Pursuit of God" and he writes an entire chapter on God's Voice called "The Speaking Voice." It's a chapter on how God is speaking: continuously and articulately: and how the whole Bible supports that idea. God is ALIVE and His word is ACTIVE. It is the nature of God to speak. The Bible is the "inevitable outcome of God's continuous speech."

Tozer writes: "God is speaking. Not God spoke, but GOD IS SPEAKING. He is by His nature continuously articulate. He fills the world with His speaking Voice."

And this: "The Bible will never be a living Book to us until we are convinced that God is articulate in His universe."

GOD IS SPEAKING. He isn't past tense. I've heard how difficult it is to understand the Bible because it wasn't "written for us" or it was an "instruction manual written for a different time." Haven't you seen it like that? I know I have: during my Adventure Bible days and beyond, I wondered how it applied to me. I attributed the difficulty of Christianity to the Bible being vague. I've seen it more as an historical work.

But what if we saw the Bible as alive? As powerful? As God's voice? And what if we stopped reading the Bible as a book about us or about what we should do.. but saw it as a book all about Jesus? What if we took the spotlight off ourselves while we read it and focused on Who we're reading about? What if we saw it as God's mighty power and sovereign word fulfilling the promise of His Son?

As a book "living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12)?"

Or "breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17)?"

I think we'd find we'd been reading the wrong book our whole lives.

Clayton King spoke tonight on how to read the Bible, why we read it, and why it exists. He answered two crucial questions: what do I do when I don't know the answers? And what do I do to keep from sinning?

And the answer was the same for both:

READ THE BIBLE. Live according to His Word. God will use what it says.

What's it telling you?

Reading the Bible starts your process and it ends it.

It leads you to the Cross of Christ. It points to Jesus.

The One who is resurrected and alive.

"It is important that we get still to wait on God. And it is best that we get alone, preferably with our Bible outspread before us. Then if we will we may draw near to God and begin to hear Him speak to us in our hearts. I think for the average person the progression will be something like this: First a sound as of a Presence walking in the garden. Then a voice, more intelligible, but still far from clear. Then the happy moment when the Spirit begins to illuminate the Scriptures, and that which had only been a sound, or at best a voice, now becomes an intelligible word, warm and intimate and clear as the word of a dear friend. Then will come life and light and best of all, ability to see and rest in and embrace Jesus Christ as Saviour and Lord and All."

(Pursuit of God: Tozer)

The Best Part of History

I just finished reading a book on the Watergate scandal of the 1970's called "The Secret Man: The Story of Watergate's Deep Throat." I know it could just be me and my history obsession, but this story is one of the most fascinating ones I've ever read. AND IT REALLY HAPPENED.

The book is written by Bob Woodward, one of the two journalists at the Washington Post who were integral in bringing President Nixon's scandal to light (history AND writing? I'm in heaven). Woodward and his partner Carl Bernstein began their investigative journalism after a break-in at the Democrat's national headquarters in the Watergate office building in 1972. They did some research, began reporting, uncovered a money trail, and soon realized the break-in didn't stop there. By writing, they helped impeach a president.

But the coolest part of the story is Deep Throat.

Deep Throat was their secret source. A mentor to Woodward.

They would leave secret messages to each other and meet in parking garages at two in the morning. He wouldn't tell the journalists everything he knew: but would guide them and lead them in the right direction. Give them clues about where they needed to look. His identity was kept hidden for 30+ years until 2005 when he was revealed to be Mark Felt: the number two guy at the FBI at the time. The second in command at the FBI was meeting journalists in parking garages in the middle of the night to help them uncover and bring down a presidency? And nobody knew who he was for 30 some years!? I'm getting pumped just reading my own thoughts. This stuff is so cool!

One of the reasons I love history so much is because of stories like this. Because we can learn from it. We can read about it and go back to that time and dissect it and ask why and how things happened. We can look at the real people behind these events and see who they were. And they're not fiction: they made real life decisions and real life choices: it's fun to see the why.

And what I take from the story of two resilient writers: is perseverance. It's really incredible to think about the task they took on and what they were willing to do. It's cool to think of where they came from (Woodward was denied a job at the Post when he first applied) and how they sought help to get where they needed to be. And Mark Felt: the things he risked, his determination: it'll speak into your life whenever you're feeling lazy.

But above all, the story has helped show me the importance of mentoring and seeking and trust.

At church on Sunday during a study of Colossians, we learned of Epaphras, a Christian teacher who spread the Gospel in Colossae (the cool thing about Epaphras: he's real! He's a part of our history too!). And David asked the question: who is your Epaphras? Who in your life is bringing you the Gospel and teaching you?

And in a historical kind of way, Deep Throat reminds me of Epaphras. Someone in the shadows, pointing in the right direction, facing risks, determined. It's empowering to know someone's teaching you, mentoring you, leading you, encouraging you to think for yourself and come to the answers with your own thinking and a little push.

Who are you seeking?

And on the other end, who are the Bob Woodwards in your life? The students who are seeking, the ones who want to learn, the ones who are writing, the ones you can point to the Gospel?

To echo David: to whom should you be an Epaphras?

Our ultimate Epaphras and our ultimate Deep Throat is Jesus.

He wants to be sought after: Hebrews 11:6 says we are rewarded when we seek Him.

His characteristics far outweigh those of our humanity and His motives are pure. He came and He died and He loved for us. He's our ultimate Teacher, Mentor, and Leader. He's ever present to lead us through the scandals of our lives.

Reading through the Gospel of Luke has given me a valuable lesson on who Jesus is.

He's the best part of history.

A Pause

Taking a pause. Taking some time to soak up holiday.

In the meantime:

What I'm listening to.

Kanye West: My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. I don't care how big of a diva he is: he's genius.

(Check out 'All of the Lights' and 'Monster').

What I'm watching.

Last night the Knuckles family gathered around the fireplace for a night of Toy Story 3. No matter age: I'll never grow tired of those toys. My brother also gave me season three of 30 Rock for Christmas: best show on TV.

What I'm reading.

Chronicles of Narnia!

I'm currently on 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' (which, did you know, is the second of the series, but actually the first of the seven books published?) and it's fascinating writing. I feel like I should have read them a long time ago. 'The Magician's Nephew' is the first, often forgotten, tale of the founding of Narnia. It's the story of the beginning, of how Aslan sings Narnia into existence, and how man brings evil into creation. It really is awesome: I can't stress that enough.

Luke.

I needed a recent perspective change: and decided to get it from Luke. I've never been a big picture person: I'm always small picture/details. And while that's good sometimes, it's detrimental other times. Lately I've been focusing on the details and overwhelming myself with finding all the answers. I needed some tough words from friends to remind me of the big picture: of the Gospel, of heaven, of redemption. And so I found myself in Luke: and the things I'm learning are amazing! Things being read this time with a different perspective. I'm seeing how incredible John the Baptist was, what his story was like, what Jesus' ministry looked like, his temptation, his healings, his teachings.

Jesus' baptism: " Jesus also had been baptized and was praying, the heavens were opened, and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form, like a dove; and a voice came from heaven, 'You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased. (3:21-22)

Jesus in the synagogue in Nazareth: "He unrolled the scroll and found a place where it was written, 'The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim the good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.'.. And he began to say to them, 'Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.'" (4:17-21)

What I think you should read.

Some of my favorite bloggers have recently taken blog breaks: in the meantime, read what my sister is doing in Africa! She'll inspire you too.

HERE I AM SEND ME

What I'm learning.

I'm learning big picture. I'm learning the importance of spending time alone with thoughts and to place the things that are just between me and God right where they belong. I'm learning faithfulness to the process (patience has never been my strong suit). I'm learning the POWER of friends: community. The power of knowing you're not alone: the power of knowing you're loved and you're being walked beside and cared for. I feel like the power community has will always be amazing to me: I'll always be blogging about it.

This Christmas Eve was the one of the most important ones I've had: too long of a story to start here but I'd love to share with whoever wants to hear it!

What I'm memorizing.

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

What I'm remembering.

The Gospel. The manger = the cross.

And the more you seek Him, the more clear His voice becomes.

Take a pause. Then keep going.

The Dragon and the Lion

THE DRAGON.

Eustace lives in the fantasy of Narnia as cousins to Edmund and Lucy: the king and queen. In the fifth book: third movie, Eustace finds himself on 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' and immediately, he's incredibly unlikeable. His attitude is awful: the only words coming from his mouth are in the form of complaints. He doesn't like anyone, especially the ones who are trying to help him. He lives in a self-centered world and is confused when others don't seem to live in his world too. He really is terribly irritating and you just want him to get left somewhere.

In chapter six, Eustace stumbles upon a treasure and as he falls asleep thinking selfish, greedy thoughts, he awakens to find himself turned into a dragon. His first feelings are ones of sorrow, loneliness, and regret at his behavior as a boy. He slowly begins adjusting to his new life: longing to be a boy again. He lives in nagging pain that comes from a golden bracelet that's tightly stuck on his leg and that cannot be removed no matter how hard he tries.

THE LION.

Eustace tells the story of his transformation back to boy. He wakes up to see a lion saying to follow him. He leads Eustace to a well and tells him that he must undress first before he can bathe and relieve the pain in his leg. Eustace undresses himself beautifully: all of his dragon skin falls off: only to find himself perfectly dragon again. This happens three times.

And then this:

"Then the lion said.. 'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I lay flat on my back to let him do it.

The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling my skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt.

He peeled the beastly stuff right off- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me.. and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that, it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing, I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again.

After a bit, the lion took me out and dressed me.. in new clothes."

It's easy to get rid of the shallow parts of our lives. We take off our old skin: our sin: and then we realize we haven't even touched the deep stuff: the Sin. And we'll try and try on our own to get rid of what's unwanted, but it's too hard with human effort. It's actually impossible. Like Eustace, we'll shed the things we can see.. but without the help of Christ, it eventually rebuilds itself. And we'll try to avoid the hurt and pain of removal and transformation and correcting: but it's that hurt and that pain that produce resurrection.

In order to remove the pain our golden bracelets cause, we must be willing to go through even greater pain. And receive an even greater reward.

THE CROSS.

In 'The Pursuit of God,' A.W. Tozer writes about the Self being the veil that lives within each of us. He says it's the veil that hides the face of God. To get rid of it cannot be done by mere instruction: "when we talk of the rending of the veil.. there is nothing pleasant about it. In human experience, that veil is made of living spiritual tissue; it is composed of the sentient, quivering stuff of which our whole beings consist, and to touch it is to touch us where we feel pain. To tear it away is to injure us, to hurt us and make us bleed. To say otherwise is to make the cross no cross and no death no death at all. It is never fun to die. To rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful. Yet that is what the cross did for Jesus and it is what the cross would do to every man to set him free."

And then he says this:

"THE CROSS IS ROUGH, AND IT IS DEADLY, BUT IT IS EFFECTIVE. It does not keep its victim hanging there forever. There comes a moment when its work is finished and the suffering victim dies. After that is RESURRECTION glory and power, and the pain is forgotten for JOY that the veil is TAKEN AWAY and we have entered in actual spiritual experience the Presence of the living God."

So welcome the pain and put on the new.

Colossians 3: 1-17 talks about taking off the old and putting on the new and what that looks like. Verse 3 and 4 say because you have died, your life is hidden in Christ: when Christ appears, then you will appear also. And 2 Timothy 1:7 says God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control. He's given us instruction and He's equipped us.

And He's died for us: showing us the ultimate pain and the ultimate resurrection.

Let Christ and the Gospel peel away your dragon and let Him put on your new clothes. Because it's absolutely necessary to experiencing new life. Because the best part of the dying is the rebirth. And because it's exhausting on your own. Free yourself.

And let the lion do His work.

The Prayer of Jesus

Someone asked me a few weeks ago what the point of going to church was.

If we pray on our own, listen to podcasts, and have regular intellectual spiritual conversations with other believers: what's the reason to go to church?

Since hearing her question and thinking her thoughts, I started wondering too: why go to church? If you can be spiritually fed individually and within your own community, why bother with church? And my mind started rolling and my thoughts started going and I reached a place where I wasn't so sure what I was doing.

I think there are a lot of reasons for church to exist. For community. We need a place to belong, a place to gather and worship with other believers. To be active: to be moving and doing and loving and changing: to be a statement to the world. A place to bring our sin: a place to humbly bow down at the Cross. A place to praise the Gospel.

But what happens when the imperfections of humanity seem to shine above the work of God? What happens if that community becomes judgmental or if you don't hear the Gospel on Sunday or if you don't feel like anyone, yourself included, is actively loving like Christ? And then you think about the Crusades and indulgences and the sins of church run deep.

Because church is messy. It's imperfect. It's full of people of the world: trying and stumbling to live like Christ: people like you and me. It's hard to catch glimpses of God sometimes in church. Like Werewolf Jesus says, we're imperfect people who take our instructions from a book written thousands of years ago: it's inevitable we'll mess up. Church is hard.

And in the midst of these thoughts, a friend told me about John 17.

John 17 is Jesus' final prayer before He is arrested. He starts by praying for Himself and His earthly mission, then prays for the disciples, and finally He prays for US, his future believers.

He prays for His glory to be revealed through us and that we may reflect and imitate Him through our lives, that we may know that the same love the Father has for His son He has for us, and for future believers to be unified through His love.

Jesus loves us. Jesus loves church.

He loves believers thousands of years to come and the common bond they would all have: Him.

He prayed for us to know His love and to make His name great. To remember why we go: why we serve alongside each other: why we worship His name together. He prayed for us to be one: and we are one in church. Right before His betrayal, His arrest, His trials, and His death, He remembers to pray for me and for you and for the Body and for the struggle we would all face within that Body. He tells us what we need to do and how we do that together.

We honor Him by going to church.

And I think that's the best reason to go.

Makes you want to go everyday, doesn't it?

We honor the prayer of Jesus by becoming the fragrance of Christ to others.

Thanks, my friend.

Beautiful Things

Sometimes there's no easy answer.

Black and white have turned to gray. There's confusion and impatience and frustration and sorrow. There's no understanding or peace or clarity. Nothing seems obvious. It's times like that when I just want to be angry or run away or lay in bed all day.. or all three all at once. It's hard to see the point. I focus on how I'm doing and on what I'm feeling and when that happens, I make God as small as I can to fit Him in the box I've made for Him.

I can't stop listening to Gungor's song 'Beautiful Things':

All this pain

I wonder if I’ll even find my way

I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth

Could all that is lost ever be found

Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new

You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

James 1 talks about the trials we encounter: the testing of our faith. He talks about how to live amidst the realities of life: how to count your trials as joy. James 1:12 says "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."

The crown of life: the beautiful things He makes.

God's intentions in trials are always for GOOD: to strengthen and to make us MORE LIKE HIM.

What I'm learning in times like testing is the significance of the Gospel. In times like that: thank goodness for the Gospel. When there's grief: the Cross of Christ.

sorrow: the Cross of Christ.

hurt: the Cross of Christ.

confusion: the Cross of Christ.

anger: the Cross of Christ.

trials: the Cross of Christ.

Because WE don't have to fix anything. WE don't have to erase the past. Or heal the hurts. That's not even within our human capabilities.

God is the healer: all we are called to do is turn towards Him and LOVE. Love Him and love others.

He makes beautiful things. Out of our dust. And out of us.

Read some encouragement: my three favorite blog posts that help me remember:

When ________ Happens

The Man who Trims the Kudzu

Genie