Every Day

This seminary thing: I'm not just waltzing right into it. I'm afraid. I'm questioning. I'm uncertain. Every day has been some sort of battle. Some kind of battle of 'can I do this,' 'what am I thinking??' This week, I opened my email to find a syllabus with an assignment due in TWO DAYS and a five page paper.. also with three books I had to read. That kind of unexpected stuff makes me want to curl into a ball. But this time, I gathered myself, gathered my things, drove myself to the library, camped out at the library, and did the assignment.

And I loved it.

It was so much fun. Looking for books, researching, being in a library. It was so cool! I'm learning. I'm learning how to turn my hands in the air in surrender. I'm learning HOW TO REMEMBER. How to remember that every thing's okay, to take life one step at a time, that Christ is mighty. What made me think I couldn't handle the assignments? I could! What made me think I wouldn't love it? I did! I want to change my first instinct, my first response, into something bigger, something greater. I want to take all thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.

Ahh seminary is already turning me upside down and shaking me out!

Every day I am praying to remember that peace. It threatens to take me over, those tidal waves of doubt, and every day when I pray and read Scripture, those waves are calmed. And then the next day or the next thing or the next decision, those waves come roaring back. And I stand on the shore, close my eyes, hold my hands in the air, and shout 'Holy Holy Holy Lord' and His peace is the only defense I need.

Standing on the shore in a posture of surrender is deciding to hold tightly to Christ.

It's an every day kind of discipline. Every day. Every day. Every day. Every day count my blessings. Every day show gratitude. Every day live in joy. Every day be thankful. Every day live in peace.

I'm right where I belong.