Dying to Self :: A Mother's Day Edition

For 24 hours this past week, I was a stand in mommy for four amazing tinys. And every time I walk away from that experience, I learn so much more about who I am, what kind of mom I want to be, where my dependency lies, and the process of dying to self.

Oh the lessons learned.

I woke up every hour anxious to not miss school wake up time. The lock on the front door got stuck so we traipsed around the house to the back door on more than one occasion. I couldn't find the leash and didn't have the time to sit down and really look for it.. so the dog got out and ran away. A poor tiny coughed all night. A decoration was knocked over and there was clean up.

I think I am the kind of person who doesn't really roll with the punches well. I like a plan - don't steer away from the plan! And as I've grasped that spontaneous decision making is a weakness, I've been learning how to deal. How to not get flustered, MAKE A CHOICE, and realize it's really all just funny once you look at it. And that control is something I can give and must give away.

And these unpredictabilities of motherhood, these surprise turns to a day, you learn to deal with those in calm. The dog escaped? Hey, let's get her! We can't get in the front door? An adventure to the back! It.all.really.is.okay. Oh my word, there is so much gratitude and joy and laughter in all the moments and you've got to open your eyes to see them!

It really is a gift.

My good friend Arin (mother of these four precious tinys) says a mother's job is the hardest, but the most blessed! Amen! Even in a short time, I am stretched and and I am molded and I am challenged and I am growing. And dependency - it's got to be on Jesus. Or else exhaustion and frustration and worry will cloud out all that joy and blessing you were meant by God's grace to live.

By grace.

Parenting is a complete dying to self.

It's not about me.

What dying to self says is that you are surrendering the pursuit of self and you are thanking Jesus for His grace in allowing you freedom from a me centered life. Christ is center and you are putting others above yourself. And these kid loving opportunities I'm given always smack me across the face - who am I living for!? The time I spend thinking and doing for myself is counterproductive to a heart after Jesus. And I am not a mom yet, but I desire a humble mom kind of life - with my family, my friends, my life group, my team. And sometimes you think, but parents don't have a choice. They have to be put their kids first. Haha - but there is choice in everything! In action, attitude, words, thoughts, deeds. And God's grace covers all.

Seeking the care and needs of little ones is a constant and it is a reminder.

It's not about me. and what a gift that really is.

It's a free fall into humility - so much humility - and the cry of surrender. Help me, Jesus.

Love and seek God and He will change your heart to a Philippians 2:3-4 kind of life.

And happy mother's day to all moms. You really rock.