Serial

I've been listening to a lot of Serial lately. 

I say "a lot of Serial" instead of just "Serial" because I have been re-listening to episodes #sorrynotsorry.

It's an amazing podcast, full of crime and intrigue, puzzles and details (all the things I love). I really could go on and on and fill multiple blog posts about it .. but I'll save my verbal processing for my closest friends. 

Serial tells the story of a murder case that happened 15 years ago. We hear piece by piece of the story every week, and it really is so fascinating. But one thing that has grabbed me the most in the ten episodes so far is when the storyteller, Sarah, talks about spin.

Every piece of information has spin, she says. You hear a piece of information, any piece of information - for example, "Adnan was a devout Muslim and because of his family's religion, he hid his relationship from them"- and then it could mean either one of two things. 1) Adnan was a liar. He was deceptive and sneaky and betrayed his family. or 2) Adnan was just like every other American teenager and had a girlfriend. It wasn't an portrayal of poor character, just a illustration that he was just like everyone else. 

There is a side to everything. It's how lawyers win cases. It's how anybody does anything. And so many times throughout Serial, I'm floored by how true that is. How one thing could mean this.. or it could mean this. Which one is the right one? Are they both right? It's confusing, isn't it? Is there a source, in any given situation, for truth?

And so it is with our lives, isn't it? Something happens and as the situation or conversation or whatever takes on a more clear picture in my mind, I wait to see where I will land. Was that person offending me? Were they encouraging me? Was that personal? Was it not personal? I feel like I teeter so much in the middle. Where will the gauntlet land, where will I decide to rest this situation? How will I spin this? Is it spinning? Is it not? Sometimes it feels like such a crapshoot. 

It's why I am so adamant about the Armor of God. It's why I think my pride will eventually be the death of me. It's why I believe prayer is a daily decision of life or death. It's why I'm always whispering to myself "God is always good, I am always loved." It's why I play Real or Not Real. I'm taking a New Testament class this semester while simultaneously learning about Ephesians with ADVANCE and Paul's letters are packed with how to live a wise life. Be kind, be humble, be like Christ. I guess it's all serving as a filter when and as the confusion hits.  

Maybe you're like me and you sense those precious and weighted moments in time. You know what I'm talking about? Those make or break moments, they smack me hard in the face. You're faced with something // and these are the moments where the choice screams before the spin. 

I could go one of two ways, but I want it to be automatic. I want to know where I'm going to land. I want to land in humility, in assuming the best. I want to land in thinking less about myself, more of others. I want to land in kindness, graciousness, compassion. In wisdom, thoughtfulness, Christ-mindedness. It's a daily battle, but I want it to become ingrained in me. 

I'm reading Anne Lamott's new book (Small Victories) and it's gold. She writes about feeling welcome, living a life of welcome (I want to underline and quote the entire thing. I'll save that for another post). But there's this one part in there that I love so much. She writes about her community and how when she first discovered them, their welcome was both lovely and confusing. She said she had always thought of herself one way - "I figured it was obvious I was a fraud and kind of disgusting" - but her friends saw her as someone else entirely - "my friends thought I was irresistible, profoundly worthy of trust." Then she writes this //

"I thought at first that one view must be wrong, so I made the most radical decision, for the time being, to believe my friends." 

Yes, Anne, one view is wrong. When presented with a piece of information (whether Adnan betrayed his family or not.. or in Anne's case, her very being, your very identity), the spin doesn't have to dominate. And each choice towards obedience and wholeness, makes for a more full and free me. 

for the record, for my Serial people, I believe Adnan was trustworthy and just a normal American teenager.