Identity

Today was a hard day.

I think about those roots that dig deep, those roots of pride and perfection and performance and recognition and uncertainty, and I think 'how'd you get to be so much a part of me?'

oh my gosh, those wicked wicked vines of selfish ambition and gain - who am I? do you define me?

the pain in uncovering the parts that scream rebellion, like Aslan and the dragon, the lion's claws that dig deep.

where, oh where, is the joy in the tear?

Tonight I heard a message from one of the best speakers I've heard. I've never heard someone grasp realness, the concept of real community, as well as he spoke. When he said 'we,' he meant him, me, you, the whole community of believers. It was refreshing and relieving, in every sense of the word.

So when he asked 'who are you' and when he began to speak on identity, I'm alone in the room. He is speaking to me. He says that when we read the Sermon the the Mount, we feel overwhelmed. We can't be these things. But this is a picture of the heart of God! These qualities define God - not for us to be overwhelmed at who we are not, but at who God is.

I have good days, I have bad days. I'm on fire for Jesus, I'm overwhelmed the next. I do something nice now, I show the worst version of myself later. It feels undefinable and ugly and shakeable and off balance and questioning and mysterious. Prove yourself, prove yourself, prove yourself, something whispers deep. All this unworthiness - that is what it is - unworthiness.

Let's be honest. it's hard. and there are times I have no idea what I'm doing.

BUT.

Jesus.

This is who we are. One person, defined by the One who made us.

Our identity.

And then the speaker said we have the choice. Of accepting the Father's love and making it our foundation. We make that choice everyday. And that is a gift.

choice. gift. i'm telling you, this night was for me.

And lastly, most importantly, he said, 'if you humble yourself, you will find God. and your life will be different.'

Humble yourself. And you will be changed.

It's a critical analysis and it is daily. But we are made in the image of God and WE.ARE.FREED. We are freed from proving ourselves, from uncertainty, from perfection, from performance, from recognition, from having to see the fruit of our labor. That's the joy in the tear. Freedom. Releasing yourself from worldly burdens and prideful ambitions and knowing you're created by a Father who died for you.

That's the joy in the pain, the joy in the trial, the joy in the tear.

We are refined and made more beautifully like Him.

We are far worse than we know, but more loved than we realize.

We are identified by His stamp of love on us.

THIS.IS.WHO.WE.ARE.

How can it get any better than that!?

breathe easy. breathe deep.

seriously. take a deep breath.

inhale.

exhale.

you are loved deeply by the Father.

and THAT is who you are.