Didn't They Say Only Love will Win in the End

Kindness and love, they just might be everything.

Lately, my mind and heart are being opened to the fullness of kindness. Of what love may really mean. The thought of welcome still catches in my gut and steals my breath away. It's be free at its core. I keep tossing these questions around in my mind and my heart, the idea of welcome. The what if of welcome. What would it really mean if everyone was welcome, if we told everyone they were in? everyone. welcome. here. 

There's this new Mumford and Sons album out and there's this new song on it about loneliness and hunger and thirst, and that maybe love is the key. Maybe it's the answer. 

Can you just imagine? I've been imagining lately, and it is gloriously and incomprehensibly good. All people are invited and welcome and as obvious as that may sound, I am just imagining the sheer vastness of it. It screams safety and belonging, things all people so desire in the core of their souls. No one is outside the reach of the Love and Goodness and Grace and Peace or outside the Body of Christ. Everyone has a story and everyone is welcome. 

I read Isaiah 61 lately and I see it differently.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, 

because the Lord has anointed me

to bring good news to the poor;

he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound

That all people everywhere and all the time and me and you are the ones. We're the brokenhearted, the captive, the blind, and the prisoners in need of being set free. The people in our midst, these are the ones to love. At the very beginning of his ministry, in Luke chapter 4, in a synagogue in Nazareth, Jesus unrolled the scroll and read just that. And I think that these words are just what Jesus came to do. Freedom, good news, healing, value. Divine Love.  

My mom and I went out this past week for an evening with Bryan Stevenson. I could talk about him for hours, his work is just so astounding to me. He's a human rights lawyer in Alabama who believes that every person is more than the worst thing they've done and that forgiveness is a necessary means to achieving equality for all. I am inspired by him and by what he believes. He believes in an identity of hope, mercy, grace, and courage. 

He works exclusively with our criminal justice system, with poverty and racial inequalities that exist there. And Bryan goes in our prisons and onto death row and helps free the poor, the innocent, the ones wrongly accused, the mentally unstable. He sits down with them and he hears them. Children and teenagers who have survived traumatic childhood experiences are on death row for crimes committed in moments of danger, coercion, vulnerability. They kill the abusive stepfather or participate in the gang initiation. And Bryan sits with them and he hears them. Some of these people are in tight spots and no one to speak for them. It's excruciatingly heartbreaking. Bryan Stevenson goes in and says YOU ARE MORE. He says, you are more.

I love this quote from his book Just Mercy. He writes, "whenever things got really bad and they were questioning the value of their lives, I would remind them that each one of us is is more than the worst thing we've ever done. I told them that if someone told a lie, that person is not a liar. If you take something that doesn't belong to you, you are not just a thief. Even if you kill someone, you're not just a killer. You are more than broken."

Mercy is just when it is rooted in hopefulness and freely given. Mercy is most empowering, liberating, and transformative when it is directed at the undeserving. The people who haven't earned it, who haven't sought it, are the most meaningful recipients of our compassion. When you experience mercy, you learn things that are hard to learn otherwise. You see things you can't otherwise see; you hear things you can't otherwise hear. You begin to recognize the humanity that resides in each one of us. 

I know how broken and sad and afraid people can be. I know, me too. I know how fear can eat people alive. How the belief that they have become the worst thing they've done can turn people into the worse and lesser versions of themselves. People can shut you out so fast, just because they believe something untrue about themselves. It's so hard, isn't it? It hurts so bad, doesn't it? When people can't look you in the eye anymore or something is broken in how you used to operate. 

I am learning that there is this clear and present peace that exists within kindness. Kindness is power. It changes everything. There is this assurance within that there is a better way to treat people. There is a better way to respond. We have it ingrained in us to shun people who mistreat us, to turn our backs on those who are cruel, to return the favor to those who don't make us feel welcome. But I believe it is kindness that can save us. Love that saves us. Every time we choose to acknowledge the fear and sadness and believe that people are more, we set one another free. The people in our midst, they are more. 

Love, it's got to be the avenue through which we bless others. 

But if I'm honest, there's sometimes a dissenting voice that resides within me. A tiny part of me. She will squeak, but wait. could love and mercy and kindness really be this good??  Sometimes she'll yell louder that indifference is the answer. The difficult, fearful, broken, the insecure, the jerks, they need to be ignored. Just don't acknowledge those who you feel shouldn't be loved, the voices of Narrow-mindedness and Fear and Selfishness and Pride say. 

My lioness, though, she roars in response. It's what I call the brave and good and true, confident thoughts.  She will roar, "wait but no. I don't think that's it. I think it's kindness. I think being kind and showing love to people, I think that's it." She roars back deep in my core, WHY NOT. who is on the outside, isn't everyone in??

Love. It must be the avenue through which we bless others.

The way we invite others in, the way we treat others, the way we love and show grace.

Maybe Mumford and Sons have got it all right. Didn't they say only love will win in the end?

TED Talks, Empathy, and Courage

I've been listening to TED Talks nonstop these days. THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD ONES. One of my most recent favorite talks (from one of my most recent favorite people) is by a man named Bryan Stevenson. He's a human rights lawyer and the founder of Equal Justice Initiative, a non profit organization that seeks to challenge racial discrimination in our criminal justice system. My mom gave me his book called Just Mercy.. and I'm struggling to put it down. This guy gets it. 

There are people out there doing work like Bryan Stevenson. Fighting for good things, passing hope to those living in hopelessness. His words, his work, encourage me so much. He's given his life to bring value to people who don't have a voice, to show compassion, to tell people they're worthy. He's sold out to human dignity and identity. He's helped given me perspective. He gets it, he gets it. 

And so I'll be honest with you all. 

It's been a challenging past few weeks. I have let things steal joy, I have massively let pride cloud my perspective. Even now, I sit and I try not to cry because the mind just got so confused. Self examination has brought some shockingly hard realizations. I've asked myself the hard questions WHY and am startled at what my heart has revealed. All the worst versions of myself. But with it, it's not all been bad. Because after the crucifixion comes resurrection, am I right? 

So, here are some things I am reminding myself are true about me, and these very things I know to be true about you too. 

I am believed in. I had one of my most valuable pieces of corner look me in the eye this weekend and say, I believe in you. And at a moment when I wasn't sure I believed in myself anymore, I had really let myself and those around me down, this kind and gentle corner said, yes. but I believe in you. What grace. I'm convinced those are four of the most powerful words in the English language.

I am not alone. There are people surrounding me (and you) who want to douse your shame and all your things with empathy. Another fav, Brene Brown, says these words in her TED Talk (another one to check out). She says this, "If we're going to find our way back to each other, we have to know empathy. Empathy is the antidote to shame. The two most powerful words to hear when we're in struggle is "me too." If we're going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path." yes yes yes. There are people within arm's length who want to look you in the eye and say me too (another thing my corner did for me this weekend). And then there are the others who might not be gifted in empathy, and that is okay. They are still your people to the very core and they love you and they are good at other things (aren't we all). Pull those people in too. 

What I think is liability is actually asset. This one is the hardest for me to swallow sometimes. I need this one repeated the most. But what I'm finding to be true (GRACE UPON GRACE) is that the very things about myself that often make me cringe are really the very things that bring value. The way I'm made, the way I'm wired, the way I operate - ugh I can't be the only that thinks Lord have mercy, why do I act/think/respond this way??  But, what if they are value? What if my emotion is value? What if God actually knew what he was doing (ha) when he created you and me and these things about us actually have the potential to bring life? What if there really was a choice and the me that is me isn't inherently a roadblock, but only unless I allow it to be?

Give yourself grace, it really is all okay. Ha! Oh, how good this is. It's okay! Oh yes, people, it's okay. Now pick yourself up and brush yourself off and LET'S DO THIS THING. 

You're probably wondering what Bryan Stevenson has to do with all of this. I've got a point, I'll end with Bryan. He tells this story in his TED Talk (you can watch it here) about hanging out with Rosa Parks (oh you know, no big deal). She asks him what he does, what the Equal Justice Initiative is all about, and he starts reeling off his organization and what his vision is and what he's trying to do, what he's trying to change. 

And when he finishes, Ms. Parks says to him, mhmm. That's going to make you tired, tired, tired. 

And then another woman leans in close to Bryan and says, and that's why you've got to be brave, brave, brave. 

Be brave, friends. Be brave. 

Pass courage to one another. Lift up your head. It's a good thing you're doing. Let's keep doing it together. 

Perspective and How to See Things Differently

I'm finally going to say something I never thought I'd say.

I think I like Amaro just as much as I liked Stabler.

Yes, Law and Order SVU. The first 13 years or so, Detective Stabler faithfully served beside my girl, Olivia Benson. Then abruptly, he leaves at the end of one season and is replaced by Nick Amaro at the beginning of another. I figured Amaro and I would never get along. Because all the things. But now, I think I love him. 

Here's why. 

This is what usually happens. The SVU detectives all settle in around a crime, they do their investigating, they interview all the people, they discuss all the things. They land somewhere with it, they think they've got it. It's over, they've seen what they can see. And then Amaro always comes in and he speaks up and he says, BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS? Have we thought about this? Have we thought about this angle? How can we look at this in a new way?

Amaro says, LET'S SEE THIS DIFFERENTLY. 

He always sees things differently. And the SVU crew follows Amaro's perspective and it usually almost always leads them to the truth. He helps them see. And he's known for that, it's his reputation. Any time someone brings a new light on a case that already feels closed, they say are you pulling an Amaro on us?

I love it so much. I can't tell you how much I love it.

One of my team members always talks about seeing differently. He articulates it so well. We help students see themselves differently, see God differently, see people differently. I love that visual, it helps me see.

Especially lately, I've really needed help seeing. The past week or so, I have literally walked into meetings with co-workers and said "I just need perspective, can you help me see?" I can only see so much and most often I land in fear, and fear always gives a distorted picture. I can only see what the headlights show and sometimes even that is shadowy. Sometimes I can even see what's not even real! But there are so many other perspectives. The real, the truth, is out there. 

It's one of the things that makes my corner so great. I look ahead anxiously with blinders on, sometimes shrouded with fear, but they see so many other things all around me. And they see it with clear eyes. From up ahead, from what's behind, from the right, from the left. They enclose me with their vision, all the way around. And they tell me, "here is what's real, here is what we see, here is what is really going on. This is what we see in you, here is where we can see you going."

They say, you don't have to see things through any kind of lens of fear or confusion.
If you can't see, we will help you.
We will help you see differently. To see with hope, with light, with grace, with confidence. 

It's what Real or Not Real really is. Silencing lies and seeing differently. Something can look so real and scary and suffocating and you think oh, this is just too overwhelming. Too many things. But when you invite your people in and they say, no no no! That's just fear trying to disguise itself as a real. This is actually really beautiful! One step at a time. 

It is hard to articulate the real, true beauty of it. The freedom that a new eyesight brings. A season of change, transition, uncertainty is really opportunity and asset. The hard things are the good things. They tell you, God cares enough about you to care so much about your character. Oh man, I can get on board with that. 

So, my word to you, my friends. Invite others into your hard thing. If it's just the beginning or it's the 11th hour and you're crawling toward the finish line, I promise you perspective will renew your mind. We cannot see when we are in it, oh but we have people who can. Name your real or not reals. Speak them out loud. Fight the bad wolf by feeding the good.  There is a battle going on and you need help fighting it.

Your life and your story is a wonderful gift. Let's do this together. 

Just How Valuable Play is

There is so much value in play.

I don't know how long this post is going to be or where it's even going, but I just want to say just that. 

There is incredible value in playing and there is incredible value in games. 
Go play something. 
Count it all as self care.

If you read this blog or know me at all, you know me. You know I'm a deep thinker, but specifically a deep feeler. All the things. I can't even. I could go on and on about how they are my greatest strength and also at times my biggest weakness (my mind and my emotions) yes yes, but the point here is this //

One day this week, I had a lot on my mind (story of my life). It felt like too much to wade through just yet, so I went to my safe place. And there, I met refuge. I always meet refuge there, but this time it came in the form of a sweet balloon game.

One of my favorite friends and I (she's six), we had a balloon. And we started playing the game where you have to keep it off the ground, you know the one I'm talking about. The rules are simple, it's just like volleyball. Each player takes a turn hitting the balloon in the air and if it falls on your turn, the other person gets a point. But only one hit at a time!

It's intense! You know how unpredictable balloons can be.

My friend I just played and played. Every game had a halftime, with dancing and laughter. She's good at the game too, so I stayed on my toes. 

And I can't tell you what a relief it was. Sweet relief. 
A sweet release of burden.

Go play tomorrow, friends. 

The Third Thing

I can't take full credit for this blog.

The words are mine, yes.

The thoughts are mine, sure yes. 

But the wisdom? I cannot take credit for it. I've got some great people in my corner who look me in the eye and say we believe in you! here's some wisdom! let us help you as you journey on! 

Every time I write, you get a glimpse into my people. You're welcome.

One of these people asked me the other day what my third thing is. 

What's your third thing, he said. 

What's the thing that you're neither achieving in nor competitive at? What's your place, where you can relax, your outlet? Besides 1) work and 2) school, what's your 3) thing?

my third thing!

So I started thinking about this third thing (to help with the hard thing). And what sometimes happens with these kinds of thoughts and these kinds of prayers is you often just stumble into the answer and find yourself face first in it. It's the way God sometimes works. Like, for example, how another one of my people gave me a cookbook suggestion a few weeks ago and I started sitting down and meal planning and looking at recipes and it all came together my third thing! 

I have never been much of a meal planner. Or a cook. I just never made time for it. Girl gotta eat, but girl don't think ahead on what to eat. It made for an exhausting (and expensive) and confusing (lol) lifestyle. But the times that I did make time for it, I found that I loved being in the kitchen! I love the activity of it, the task of it, the idea of it. Music on, hands busy. I delighted in it. 

I wasn't making time for the things I delighted in. 

What a tragedy. 

I've taken on meal planning/cooking/baking/time in the kitchen as my third thing. It's teaching me discipline, time management, how to relax. It's giving me TIME, time to take the thoughts of the day and swirl them around, keeping some and throwing some away. It's giving me an excuse to buy another moleskine and create another schedule. It's giving me time to decompress after a work day. Time to cushion and breathe before I start school work. IT ALSO GIVES ME FOOD AND SUSTENANCE SO I CAN SURVIVE. There's also that. 

And the more I think on it, the more I think this is really important. If my third thing doesn't win, if I don't choose my third thing, I choose apathy. or fear. There's a lot riding on the third thing, and oh man, that gives me so much freedom. 

So, I'll choose to spend an hour and a half in the grocery store and shop with purpose (holla at Kip Green, who roamed that store with me like a boss). I'll choose to cook ground beef at 9:00 at night (because sometimes, people, that's what it takes). I'll choose to smell all the things - garlic! thyme! parsley! cilantro! 

It's what I'm always learning. I am doing over and over again, am reminded over and over again, to take time to do what I love. To do the things that fill my soul, that I delight in, that bring me rest and peace. A place I can hit the pause button on all the things and breathe deep and free. Writing is another one, because you know I'm all about that. I've found myself in this sweet, desperate place where I am willing to do what the third thing takes. Pursue it, sacrifice for it. Because the measure of its worth is invaluable. 

Faith over Fear

Hey! It's me, just talking about the mind again.

I had a weird end to 2014. Weird may not be the best word to describe it, but I'm going to go with it. Leadership is hard, it's really hard, because it shows us ourselves and I found myself running head first into MYSELF the last few months or so. I love being stretched and learning new things and having what I previously believed challenged and all that comes with it. But, come on. My Narnia people, you know in the Last Battle when they reach the new Narnia and the unicorn keeps saying come further in, further up! closer to the King! I had a lot of further in, further up this year. 

It's weird, but then somewhere along the way, I thought too many hard things now, too many hard things ahead, too much going up. And I just kind of .. stopped. It was fear winning over faith, but hey, a girl gets tired every once in a while. Amen? Real or not real is exhausting. Filtering words and actions through the armor of God is draining. Running through the ringer and exposing all that ick just flat out takes higher strength. Further in, further up is a tough climb. Can I get an amen? Leadership is hard? TRY BEING HUMAN IS HARD. All defenses are down and it's very, very confusing. Isn't it, though?

Is it possible to back out slowly in your own journey, hands feeling for the exit? 
yes, yes it is.

Cue the mind.
You all heard me talk about Unbroken in my last post. That story stirred something in me that I think I was so desperate for. You all heard me go on and on about the raft scene (THE BEST). There was something Louie said and believed on the raft, as him and his friends were floating into desperation and uncertainty, not knowing if and when rescue would come. He believed that no matter what happened to their bodies, no matter what happened physically (sunburn, lack of food, no water, sharks), they must not lose control of their minds. It was a muscle, he believed, that would atrophy if left idle. 

So, they told stories. All kinds of stories. Asked questions, all kinds of questions. Shared memories, all kinds of memories. Because Louie believed the mind was the key to survival. If you lost that, you lost everything. 

And then this, 

"Though all three men faced the same hardship, their differing perceptions of it appeared to be shaping their fates. Louie and Phil's hope displaced their fear and inspired them to work toward their survival, and each success renewed their physical and emotional vigor. Mac's resignation seemed to paralyze him and the less he participated in their efforts to survive, the more he slipped. Though he did the least, as the days passed, it was he who faded the most. Louie and Phil's optimism, and Mac's hopelessness, were becoming self-fulfilling."

Keeping the mind going, light and free, well it has more weight and impact than we know. It welcomes in hope. It keeps going, even when you don't feel like it, and brings the rest along with you. It is survival. I don't claim to know much, but I do know that. Fear kills the mind. It shrinks it and makes it cold. 

BUT THERE IS GOOD NEWS. 

The mind can be restored with even the tiniest of steps. 
Fear can be killed with even the smallest of efforts.

A dear student gave me a bracelet for Christmas. 
It says life is a journey.
Then another friend on Christmas Eve noticed it and said me too. I'm learning that too! He said don't you just want to build a nest right where you are and stay there? But isn't God saying, hey let's keep going? He was speaking for him but I was hearing for me and I heard him.

And that small, thoughtful gift and that small, thoughtful moment .. I'm convinced it changed everything. 

I want to choose faith over fear this year. 

This journey is tough, but I want to fight the good fight. I'm tired, but I want to shed apathy and spring forth courageously. I want to keep learning, yet feel rested. I want prayer to kill pride. I want all the things, but most importantly I think I want standing with interlocking shields in a close defense alongside others. 

I want to stand, stand firm, after the battle.

So I say to you what is sometimes hard to say to myself. 
YOU CAN DO IT. I believe in you so much! You can do this hard thing and your hard thing and all the hard things and you can do it because God is with you. In front, beside, and behind. Let me whisper the reals, that choosing faith over fear is the sweetest and most powerful. Oh, how rich your journey is! Oh, how mysterious life is! 

I am proud of you. I believe in you. Let's do faith over fear together this year.
Onward!

The Good Side of the Flu

Can the flu be a good thing?

I had the flu for like six days. I keep telling people I was like the walking dead because that feels most accurate to my situation. I woke up, wandered to the couch, sat/laid there all day, and then wandered back to bed. It was misery. 

But actually, if I'm being honest, it was time well spent. 

I watched so many movies. Like a lot of movies, like a lot of really good movies. I watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy and was hyped up for days on the courage of Frodo, the friendship of Sam, the power of good over evil. I quoted all those wise Gandalf responses as Frodo grieves the cards he's been dealt - "I wish this had not happened in my time." "So do I, and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." I talked to whoever would listen to me (my mom) - "this is such a big deal that the elves, dwarves, and men are all fighting on the same side, against evil. Do you even know!? This is so huge." oh bless it, everyone loves a movie talker.

Then I read the book Unbroken and my little flu-ridden heart swelled with the power of the human spirit. It is one of the most incredible stories and I flew through the pages (if you have read the book, can we please talk about the whole-fighting-off-sharks-while-floating-on-a-raft scene? I can't even. I had so many physical and emotion reactions to that part. Huge shoutout to my friend Matt, who let me retell that scene in the atrium this morning at church. You're the real MVP). Unbroken reminded me that there are people who have lived and who are currently living who are so extremely brave. They have this incredible spirit within them that won't back down, who fight for things and for people, and who seem to withstand all the unbearable trials because they will not stand to perish. And then toss in faith and hope and forgiveness and redemption and Unbroken is all the things.

So I'd say this flu break revived my love of stories, the real and the fantasy. This human desire we innately have to connect with story, it's incredible. I could literally write so many more blog posts at this point at where my mind is wandering, how story is one of the tools that helps me choose faith over fear this year. 

The flu allowed me to STOP. And then to marvel. 
I can't wait to keep going.